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Death And Taxes

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Death And Taxes

Previously on Exasperating Residents, Malarkey quit in an incompetent huff, while Pratt butted heads with Luka and refused to present to him in future. Romano rushed through learning to use his new arm, Sam's diabetic kid Alex got a condition called DKA when Luka unknowingly fed him ice cream, which pissed Sam off, and Bob Newhart brought Susan flowers.

Susan lies awake in bed blinking at the ceiling, wondering how on earth it is that she's been on both ends of a May-December Inappropriate Doctor-Patient Relationship and vowing to tear those pages out of the writers' beloved Love Is... desk calendars. Chuck trundles over to the bed and curls up with the paper. "You ever realize a month's gone by without you noticing?" Susan asks idly. "And that it wasn't bad, but it wasn't great either?" Chuck isn't listening; he's skimming the front page of the paper. Susan shoots him a look like she's about to tie that comment directly to him and the performance of his hair in a guest-starring role, which right now is worthy of a Razzie, since it's oily and bed-heady. And although that's realistic, it's also not exactly turning the crank on my Jack In The Box. The ringing telephone interrupts Susan's thought; it's her accountant calling to remind her about their date with doom that afternoon. "I'm getting audited," Susan tells Chuck. "Which blows, considering I file 1040EZ." Chuck is surprised. Susan explains that it just makes sense, since she is single, owns nothing, and has no dependents except for a blinding old sitcom star with jowls that need a bra. "Want some [dependents]?" Chuck asks casually. Susan's like, "Your crazy mouth said what now?" "Kids. Instant tax write-off," Chuck clarifies. Susan's mentally what-the-fucking her way through the awkward silence. "Come on, baby, let's do it," Chuck grins. "We like each other, right? The sex is pretty good. What are the odds we're going to find something better, huh?" He winks at her. Susan's staring at him as if a Quarter Pounder with a thumb in it would be a more appetizing proposition. At first I was so disappointed that the writers did this to Chuck, because he was totally funny and charming and not an ass before this. But then I decided that he was just being facetious with her, because it better suited my desires. Although frankly, I think if he was kidding, it was only by half. Sigh. How delightful for Susan that she gets the same kind of misery heaped on everyone else.

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