ER
Fear Of Commitment

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Wing Chun: B- | Grade It Now!
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Fear Of Commitment

Props to Glark, Niki, Djb, Igor, Sars, all our excellent, eagle-eyed bug checkers, and everyone else who worked so hard to get Mighty Big TV 2.0 ready for launch and running smoothly. Between the programming, the design, the bug fixes, the bug anticipation, the server choke, the data entry of the archives, and the creation of new content (like the individual show FAQs), this whole thing took us about a year to create and it's been a very exhausting, emotionally draining, but ultimately exciting week getting it ready for launch. I know that some of you are having a hard time making the adjustment and that change is scary. It'll be okay. Breathe.

Previously on ER: Abby and Carter went to Oklahoma to rescue her very depressed mother -- played, as you may have heard somewhere or other, by Sally Field -- and Luka wasn't happy about it; Abby told Carter that Sally had been suicidal before; Sally attempted suicide by taking a box of sleep aids; in the ER, she started seizing and Abby cried.

Peter "To Sir, With Love" Benton enters "Oakville Residential Care." Inside, a woman in a pink robe is using one of those motorized seats to glide up a flight of stairs. Let me tell you something: my office is on the top floor of our three-storey house and I often wish I had one of those deals -- particularly when I'm carrying up one of those eighteen-litre water bottles. That's a lot of stairs! Anyway, Benton isn't there to see her; at the desk, he asks for Carl Ferris, the beloved junior-high Science teacher with whom Benton reunited last week. The receptionist is on the phone, so she holds up a silencing finger to Benton while asking the phone, "How much longer?" Tom Bosley -- playing the same old crank he did in "Surrender" -- steps into a doorway to ask the receptionist, who he calls Trudy, "Where's the damn ambulance?!" Trudy tells him they're on their way. Benton asks Bosley what the problem is, and Bosley curtly tells him, "It's nothing you need concern yourself with, sir." Benton tells Bosley he's a doctor, and Bosley's all, "Get in here, fool! This guy's having a heart attack!"

Benton follows Bosley into a common room; the victim is lying down on a sofa, and a woman with a stethoscope around her neck is ineffectually holding the victim's hand. When Benton comes around the sofa, he sees that the heart attack victim is Mr. Ferris himself. Benton kneels and urgently asks Mr. Ferris whether he's having chest pains; Mr. Ferris grunts unintelligibly, and Tom Poston (also from "Surrender") -- who's leaning over Mr. Ferris's head, which can't be that therapeutic -- interprets, "He says yes. It's like someone squeezing his heart!" Bosley corrects him, saying it's more like someone punched Mr. Ferris in the chest. Benton asks Mr. Ferris when the pain started, and Mr. Ferris groans that it was a few hours ago. Benton asks for the woman's stethoscope, and enlists the Toms' help in sitting Mr. Ferris upright. As we hear sirens outside, Benton tells the woman that Mr. Ferris needs oxygen. The nurse earns her SAG card by whining, "We're board and care! We don't have any!" Bosley importantly marches over to another resident and, over his objections, absconds with the gentleman's oxygen tank. Cut to Mr. Ferris's face, which looks all waxy. Benton jargons that Mr. Ferris is in "CHF." Oxygen Guy's all, "Uh oh." The woman acts as the viewer's surrogate in asking what "CHF" is, and Benton impatiently tells her it stands for "congestive heart failure"; he adds, "I thought you were a nurse!" Me too. Well, first I didn't, because she was in street clothes, and then I did, because of the stethoscope. I've edited this paragraph about fifteen times already. Anyway, she says she only takes the residents' blood pressure. Poston pipes up that he knows CPR. Bosley is all one-upping him, "Yeah? I know kung fu!" Not really, but that would have been funny. The paramedics roll in with a bed. Doris is surprised to see Benton there, but Benton doesn't have time for pleasantries and starts making with the orders. Doris is all by-the-book, "We can't take your orders unless you stay with us all the way." Benton agrees, and continues with the orders. As Benton and another paramedic help Mr. Ferris to stand up, the Toms querulously wish him well and tell him he'll be fine.

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