Episode Report Card
Heathen: B- | Grade It Now!

Abby's team of medics is hanging out on the Warner Bros. "Chicago sidewalk" set, tending to two girls who were placed there and then artfully arranged at tragic angles. I won't suspend my disbelief here because the scene is a little disturbing when not taken for what it is: fake. We see a woman screaming, "He tried to kill my babies," and we recognize them all from the cold open: the manically screaming mother and her scared kids. Abby tends to a little girl named Kali while Manic Mom wails, "Oh, God, why did you let this happen?" Well, clearly, he had a bet with St. Peter on whether they'd bounce when they hit the pavement. Poor old God. Always getting the blame. Apparently the omnipotent aren't allowed to have trouble multitasking. Poor Kali has a puddle of blood underneath her. "Are you an angel?" she says woozily as she looks up at Abby's face. "An angel gonna take me to heaven?" Abby blinks, remembering with discomfort that she hasn't seen her halo since she tried to use it as a coaster on her last bender.

Pratt is impatient with his crop of med students, none of whom we've seen before. They're discussing curious bumps on a patient, and Pratt is dumbfounded that they can't figure them out or describe them. Indeed, one girl helpfully sputters, "They're just...bumps." Pratt turns to face them, annoyed. "First, read up on derm," he lectures. "Secondly, learn to describe lesions systematically so your superiors don't look at you like you're complete dumb-asses." As if there is anything these students can do to prevent Pratt from looking at them like they're dumb-asses. It's his default. Pratt introduces himself to Mr. Hayslip, the patient, and asks to see the lumps. Hayslip reveals a freaky series of pellet-like growths covering his chest and arm. Pratt's totally thinking, "Wow, they're just...bumps," and mutters that they'll have to run some tests.

Then Pratt scampers off to talk to Chen, who has just appeared with a little electric saw. I hope we're about to witness a murderous rampage. She tells Pratt that the nurses were too busy, so she borrowed the cast cutter to remove her cast herself. Realizing that this is a dumb plan, Pratt offers to help her. "I know you're limber, but you're not that limber," Pratt snickers. Oh, God, stop. Please leave all references to sexual gymnastics off-camera, will you? My stomach isn't that strong today.

Manic Mom is flitting around wailing to everyone that her tragedy happened so fast -- her husband charged right at them, and then suddenly two of her kids were lying on the ground. She wants to ride along in the rig, but policy prevents it. "What if he comes back? We have to stay together," babbles Manic Mom. Abby tells her to hop in, over the objections of the actual paramedics, one of whom complains that he thought Abby was supposed to be along for the ride and nothing more. Abby doesn't care about his rules, or his job, so she ignores him and sends the brother into the other rig.

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