Episode Report Card
Heathen: B- | Grade It Now!

Apparently, Mr. Hayslip's constellation of bumps is actually an advanced form of lung cancer. The students pull Pratt out of Trauma Yellow so that he can deliver the message. While he's gone, Howard makes a comment about how he only dipped something into Kali's urine twice. I hope it's a medical strip of some kind and not, say, his finger. "Why? Once is sufficient," Elizabeth says. Howard flinches. Sam yells to Elizabeth that Tamira has a pulmonary contusion. "Should we get the mom in here?" Sam asks. "Why? I'm not planning on her dying. Are you?" Elizabeth asks. We pan down to poor little almost-dead Tamira's face, as the shadow of the Jinx Fairy passes over it, hands rubbing together with glee.

Susan is frustrated with her mountain of work. Weaver drifts past to make some unnecessarily nasty comments to the effect that Susan failure to have caught up yet indicates some rustiness. Weaver's then gone again before Susan can set fire to her pants. Jerry congratulates Susan on the new job while handing her some papers that he cheerfully explains are his time-off requests, a demand for a pay increase, and his letter of resignation just in case both conditions aren't met. "Welcome to management," he smiles. Susan simmers.

Kali isn't doing so well. As her mother comes in to see her, Kali starts moaning, "No, I don't want to!" Abby tries to calm her as Manic Mom flips out because she thinks no one's doing anything to help her children, and because there is perfectly good uneaten scenery that no one else is bothering to chew. Abby has to seize her and say very firmly that people are trying to help; she escorts Manic Mom back out of the trauma room. Manic Mom whimpers, because she can't not be acting, acting, acting.

Pratt takes his students to deliver the news to Hayslip. I won't recap it, because it's sad, and lonely old people really get to me. Seriously. I'm empathetic to the point of having to avert my eyes. It's rather pathetic.

Pratt returns to Trauma Yellow and resumes his position as the holder of the sheet that's anchoring Kali's pelvis in place. Dubenko enters in search of Elizabeth, notices the sheet, and suggests that they use a newer method. Pratt and Carter are suitably impressed, because they're a million years behind Dubenko and he is a ray of sunshine, and really, it's amazing that they're not still trying to use leeches. Suddenly, Manic Mom's son enters and just stares, frightened, at his sister's body. "Um, Saige, right?" Carter says. "Is my sister gonna die?" Saige breathes. Carter wants Howard to remove the child, and Howard pissily suggests that it's a social worker's job. Pratt retorts that the social worker isn't there yet. "So get a nurse to talk to him," Howard snaps. So he's OCD and an asshole now, apparently. "I'm a little busy right now," Chuny says coldly. Saige points to Pratt and says he wants to talk to him. Pratt gives up the sheet traction to Howard. "Where's the damn social worker?" Carter suddenly yells. Enter the blonde: a woman meanders over from Trauma Green and says, "Covering two hospitals by herself until midnight. That's my excuse for being late -- what's yours for being an ass?" Ugh. A meet-cute. And a bad one, because Carter's allowed to yell if the social worker is late and he doesn't know why. Also, Mädchen Amick is a pretty stiff actress, so she has no sense of timing and just threw up the line as fast as she could. Given the current employment of Daniel Dae Kim, the actor who formerly played their social worker, I really wish someone had ad-libbed, "What? We Lost Ken?" (Oh, and if you're keeping score: Mädchen Amick was recently recapped in episiodes of Gilmore Girls, as "the girlfriend" of Rory's father Christopher. She was also Shelly on Twin Peaks.)

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