Finders Keepers

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Heathen: F | Grade It Now!
Finders Keepers

Abby asks Jerry if Haleh really got fired. Jerry nods. "Management tool," he says importantly. "Always fire someone the first day. Lets them know who's boss." Luka appears and basically says that, as long as he gets severance pay, Romano can call himself king and make a scepter out of Luka's lower intestine. Carter appears to ask Abby to park a patient in Exam One, but she points out that Romano has taken over the room, apparently to make it into an office. How did he swing that? Wouldn't someone have to approve that? Maybe Weaver would, so maybe he doesn't give a shit. "Weaver never had an office," Carter snits. Jerry says he also threatened to take over the lounge. "And put our lockers where?" Abby asks. "Triage?" cracks Jerry. "Great, now our personal stuff can get stolen, too," Abby grumbles. Susan appears and says it's too late -- her locker's already been relieved of a pair of camel leather gloves. "Real leather?" Luka asks. "Yeah, why?" Susan asks warily. "Animals died to make them," Jerry intones, in what I think is a poor imitation of Luka's accent. I don't get this -- didn't know Luka objected to leather when he probably had leather bucket seats in the Dodge Penis -- but hey, fine, whatever, I'm tired. I give. Susan thinks it's annoying, too. "Yeah, right, and we should all wear canvas shoes," she spits.

Pratt and Chen lug in a wailing Kippy. Chen gives Carter the bullet. "How did this become your problem?" he asks. "Elizabeth decided he was an ER case," Chen says, sounding put-upon. "Typical," snorts Pratt. I don't get this either. When someone breaks a limb or somesuch in an accident, isn't he or she generally taken to the ER for treatment? You know, emergency treatment because it's an emergency situation? I...don't know. Pratt asks if they have open beds for Kippy, and a passing Romano crabs, "Only if he's a paying customer." Then Romano hops up on his bully pulpit and preaches the Gospel According To A Tightwad -- which is, namely, "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit all the emotional abuse that can be dished." He spits that an employee's lateness will be rewarded with a harsh letter in his or her file and docked pay. "Say goodbye to the warm fuzzies of the Weaver era, and hello to the age of efficiency and cost-effectiveness," he booms. "Once you do get to work on time, you will treat, you will street, and you will do so as quickly as humanly possible." Luka listens idly, chin in hand, waiting for his cue so that he can leave this scene and do something a little more interesting. Abby announces an incoming MedEvac chopper. Romano assigns Carter and Luka to it, ordering the other three attendings to clear the board and Jerry to get him a breakfast burrito. "'Please'?" Jerry prompts him. Romano stops. "Get your love at home," he growls. Practice what you preach, there, Chrome Dome. Oh wait, you can't.

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