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Episode Report Card
Heathen: B- | 382 USERS: C+
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Foreign Affairs

Outside the hospital, Susan and Chuck review the annulment paperwork. They're choosing a reason. It's cute.

Chuck: Fraud. Ever fake anything?
Susan: No, you?
Chuck: No, I'm just a screamer. Unacknowledged prior marriage?
Susan: Right, like either of us is a bigamist.
Chuck: I have an uncle who's a Mormon.
Susan: Next!
Chuck: Under the age of legal consent?
Susan: Don't I wish.
Chuck: Don't I wish.

They come to the "we were drunk/stoned out of our minds" clause and agree that this is the winner. "Which one of us was trashed?" Chuck asks. Susan shrugs that they can share the honor. "No, let me be the gentleman this one last time," he cracks. "I don't recall any precedent for that," she chuckles. Then, without ceremony, Susan signs the papers and they are officially no longer married. "Unknotting the bonds of love," Chuck proclaims. "Or impetuous lust." Susan snickers that it's something in between, and dashes off to a trauma with the order that Chuck call her when they're divorced.

The new patient is a forty-three-year-old douchemonkey named Jennifer who is incredibly stupid because she (a) went to a Botox party, and (b) had it injected in her neck, where it swelled things up enough to keep her from swallowing properly. Luckily, this shouldn't affect her social life, because anyone that uptight is definitely more of a spitter.

No mere swinging door can keep Luka from saving the life of some little boy he's never met, so he bursts in on Elizabeth during a surgical procedure and begs her to help him with Ante. She refuses, claiming it's too far afield from her area of expertise, which if I remember correctly is largely intestinal, so maybe she really ought to break out of the mold. Luka ups the Ante, specifically to let me make that joke, because he's such a giver and all he really cares about is my happiness -- I mean, how else to explain why Goran Visnjic hasn't fled the show, screaming? Anyway, Luka offers to mow Elizabeth's lawn and baby-sit Ella. "Over my dead body," she snaps. "And this guy's, too, if you don't tie off that bleeder," Shirley interrupts. Elizabeth wishes she could help, but she thinks this is all very sudden and rash, as if it were a certain time of year in which dramatic statements and montage-worthy moments might be appear willy-nilly in the ER, as if some mythical man in a mythical editing bay was planning to turn them into promotional pieces that might hook some so-called "viewers." Luka insists that they are Ante's last prayer. Elizabeth selfishly asks if Dr. Dorsett is on the team. "Uh...is that a problem?" Luka hedges. "Yes!" Elizabeth blurts. Shirley jerks her head up so hard that it drops clean off in the other direction. "Okay, no, no, fine, fine. I'll do it," spits Elizabeth, exasperated, flushed, and a little embarrassed that the entire room can smell Charred Loin.

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