Lester and Neela report to Susan -- his guy's got scabies, her asthma patient needs heliox, which I guess is helium and oxygen, which...sounds pretty damn fun, come to think of it. Each episode of this show should come with a free dose of that cocktail. Romano blazes past Susan and orders her to find coverage for Pratt's shifts. She's all, "Whatever, nice arm, fuckbelt."
Coop puts nice stitches in the German man's arm. I need a name for him and his wife. Let's go really obvious: Olaf and Brumhilde, because how often does a girl get to type those words? Abby passes, and Romano shouts out a snotty medical question that she doesn't answer, and which floats right over my head. Abby just arranges her features into something approximating abject hatred. Were this an Agatha Christie novel, we'd be firmly convinced of her motive by now. We'd also have a mustachioed Belgian and some plot intricacies, which actually don't sound so bad to me right now. As it is, Abby just snarls and then tries to ignore Romano.
"Did you put your clothes in the hamper?" Sam asks the telephone. "Did you check your sugar at noon?" Excellent. She's now caught up to February on the desk calendar. Keep trucking, Sam! Only ten months of belated parenting to go!
Malarkey prescribes Old Man Reefer some eyedrops. "What about the other stuff?" OMR asks. Malarkey's eyes get all shifty and he grumbles that Old Man Reefer doesn't need any of that. "It's illegal. Just say no," Malarkey attempts sternly. Hee. "Just say no to what?" Pratt asks suspiciously. "Uh, altar boys," Malarkey replies, escaping quickly. I do like Scott Grimes a lot. It's not his fault that Malarkey is the fattest weenie at the roast.
Yay! Gallant is here! "Look at this rack," Luka says. Oh, my, please do, boys. "Do I have to?" Gallant asks. Yes. YES. Luka takes him off to triage to treat-and-street some patients. Sam stops them and corrals Luka to help deal with some hallway traffic. They blah their way through two patients before getting to Judy, who's still sitting there in the hallway waiting for someone to bring him his pretty red pumps. "Sorry for the delay, sir," Luka apologizes. "It's okay, I like to people-watch," Judy replies cheerfully. Luka then asks Sam to pitch in at triage, but she can't because Luka just dumped a bunch of orders on her. "No beds, no staff, and we're doing the work of the entire hospital," he complains. "Welcome to my world," Sam brave-little-soldiers. Suddenly, Luka gets an idea: he asks for hard restraints for Judy. "He's a pussycat," Sam says, confused. "The kind that lock," Luka whispers conspiratorially. Sam makes a mental note to keep him away from Alex but good.