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Get Carter

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Heathen: C | Grade It Now!
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Get Carter

Elizabeth rushes into Minivan's apartment and apologizes for being late. He's fine with it, and offers her pizza and a glass of wine while Ella and Backup Ella finish a movie. She gratefully accepts. "How was your pancake juju thing?" he asks. She's confused until she realizes he's fumbling the name of the pancreatic surgery she had to do that morning. "You made that up," he decides. "Nope," she grins. "Admit it, you have the perfect job for getting out of things," he counters, implying that no one would object or know the difference if she made up an operation name. She counters that an ojejunostomy is a replumbing of the upper intestines. "Can you get that from working out?" he asks. "My shoulder's been hurting." She cracks, "I think that's called old age." They grin at each other, and at the quality of the banter, and clink their paper cups. Go, Elizabeth! As hot as Lawson is, we've already been down Cocky Surgeon Street. It's time to get ridden by Minivan instead of in one.

Gallant returns, bringing Rudy some dinner and a flashlight. "So you don't have to worry about the lights going out," he smiles. Rudy's face glows, and Gallant bends down to pick up dinner, and oh my, I think I see muscles rippling against his long-sleeved t-shirt. That's just spectacular.

Luka hops onto the crowded El train, Sam not far behind him. She's carried on board by the sea of people and bumps around uncomfortably. "Busy," Luka says, spying her. "No kidding," she replies. Gingerly, Luka tries to apologize for that morning. "I can be overzealous," he says. "Is that the word?" Sam's lips twitch. "I don't know," she replies. "Is that Croatian for 'jerk'?" Luka awkwardly tries to apologize again as she gets thrown against him by the movement of the train, and the act of being pressed to his torso and forced to inhale his sweet man-scent mesmerizes her, and her eyes turn glassy. As he talks, she reaches up and impulsively presses her lips to his. They break apart for a second, still less than a breath apart from one another, and as she strokes his cheek, they renew the kiss as the train zooms away. I have no idea what supposedly led her to change her mind, and honestly, all I can point to is: (a) he's hot, and (b) she heard he was easy. And you know what? I don't blame her one bit. You go, Sam. Get yours. At least she has good taste.

Carter -- en route to Ike Ryan's to meet Kem for dinner -- runs into her on the sidewalk. She's gleefully chowing on a Twinkie, and holding a bag full of other Hostess treats. He's stunned and disgusted and charmed all at once. "I couldn't decide, there's too much to choose from!" she trills. Carter grabs the bag and throws it out. Were I his pregnant girlfriend with cravings, I'd club him for that. And shave him. "All I can think about is chocolate," Kem says. "And sex." Carter chuckles and hugs her to him. "I'm so happy! Are you happy?" she bubbles. Then she goes on about how watching him work is a total turn-on, and she's lost me. Totally lost me. Carter the Love Stud he is not. "No more sugar for you," Carter chortles. Dude, she just told you she thinks you're the sexiest thing since Luka danced in my bedroom in a loincloth. What is your problem? Go home and tap that! Sheesh. Kem wants to come back the next day to watch him work, but Carter tells her she can't. "Weaver said she'd fire me if you did," he says. "She didn't," Kem says. "She did, yeah," Carter beams. Kem pauses. "I'll have to talk to her," she reasons. Carter throws up his hands, and Kem acts like an airhead all the way to Ike's, prattling about whether she asks too many questions, and...yeah, the actors have a nice, comfortable, easy vibe to them, but Carter still acts like such a damn stick in the mud, and now that they've made Kem a total ditz, well, they might just lose me. Just for the (broken) record.

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