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Great Expectations

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Wing Chun: D | 1 USERS: A+
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Great Expectations

In the ambulance bay, Doris gives Weaver the bullet on the renal-failure patient whose ambulance was rammed; it seems she had missed her dialysis. Doris adds that "the jerk" who hit them is right behind, "faking a heart attack." Just then Luka appears, all The Bodyguard with Carol in his arms, and suddenly it's "renal failure who?" He screams Weaver's name, and she mutters, "Oh my God" in response as Carter yells for a gurney. Weaver and Dr. Dave hurry over just in time for Luka's knees to give out, very theatrically, in the unspoiled whitness of the snowy ambulance bay. He tells Weaver Carol's having a vagal reaction. The music takes over, but the closed-captions carry on transcribing dialogue not at all audible on the soundtrack: Luka explains that her contractions started on the El, Dr. Dave takes Carol's pulse, and Weaver exhorts Carol to squeeze her hand if she can hear Weaver.

Inside the hospital, the medical staff swarms around Carol and ignores the patient in the ambulance. Carol's regained consciousness by now (bad luck for me) and groggily insists that she's okay. Randi asks, "What's wrong with her?" and Carter splutters, "What do you think?" Randi tells them which trauma room is open, and Carol starts whining that she doesn't want to have her babies in the ER. Honey, if you couldn't see that plot coming down Michigan Avenue, then you need glasses. Weaver placates Carol by saying that she's just going to check Carol's cervix and her vitals and then send her up to obstetrics, and asks who Carol's OB is. Wouldn't she have asked that, out of professional curiosity, at some point over, oh, I don't know, the LAST NINE MONTHS? They wheel Carol into a trauma room while Dave yells that he needs help with the two forgotten Others in the ambulance bay. Weaver asks Luka to go help Dr. Dave; Luka reluctantly manages to tear himself away from Carol's side. Luka: You can do better! Call Sars! She has my phone number! ["'Wing Chun'? Never heard of her." - Sars] Conni asks if they should call Mark; Carol, who has started her breathing again, nods her assent.

Back at ThanksCordaying, Elizabeth is taking the turkey out of the oven and says she hopes it's done, since she's not used to serving so early in the afternoon. Mark explains that they need time after they gorge themselves to pass out on the couch. Elizabeth checks the temperature on the meat thermometer (which was always one of the scariest and most fascinating weapons in my grandmother's kitchen arsenal, I must add) as Mark tells her that she's very good to do all this, since Holling and Rachel can be "a bit much." Word. And good for him for thanking her. She replies, with genuine ease and calm, that he needn't be silly, since all families are eccentric in their own ways. Mark calls Rachel and Holling, but I'm not sure why because they're both sitting at the table already, playing blackjack. Mark asks Rachel to help him bring the dishes out; Holling tells Elizabeth that the turkey smells good, and asks what's on top. Matter-of-factly, she replies, "Bacon." Rachel brats (tm Pamie), "Eww, on the turkey?" (The closed captions spelled it with two "w"s.) Elizabeth says, "I'd be happy to serve bacon on your ass, little girl." Mark adds, "I think there's some Tic Tacs in the car, if you'd prefer to eat your dinner in there." Well, actually, they don't say that. Elizabeth says, "You don't have it that way?" and Mark -- the crappiest dad in the land -- doesn't scold Rachel at all for her ingratitude (which, it must be said, you can't spell without "attitude"), and instead just asks her again to come get the mashed potatoes. In a calculating voice, Rachel says, "I didn't think you celebrated Thanksgiving." Elizabeth allows, "Well, it's not really my holiday, is it?" In a Children of the Corn (or would that be Children of the Maize?) voice, Rachel says, "The pilgrims came here to escape persecution from the British." In an even, I'm-not-giving-in-to-my-instinct-to-pound-this-brat-flat voice, Elizabeth merrily replies, "Yes -- so they could go about persecuting the Indians." Check, and mate. Mark blusters back into the dining room all lit up with false cheer to break up this scintillating debate, only to get into his own scrap with Holling over who gets to carve. With admirable passive-aggression, Holling tells Elizabeth, "Mark doesn't think I can do things for myself anymore." Mark hands over the carving knife (handle first), and Holling adds, "Did you tell her you want to put me in a nursing home?" Mark says that it's a retirement community, and Holling says it's a retirement community "with nurses." Mark suggests that they talk about it later, and Holling says, "It's all you wanted to talk about last night." There's a crash in the kitchen; Rachel has dropped the bowl of mashed potatoes on the floor. She apologizes fairly sincerely, and Elizabeth says she thinks she has instant. Mark's pager goes off.

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