How The Finch Stole Christmas

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How The Finch Stole Christmas

Lucy goes to Romano's house, rousts him out of bed, and tries to convince him to come in to the hospital and perform the L-VAD procedure. Clad in a fetching lounging robe from the Hefner collection, Romano asks, "What makes you think I give a rat's ass?" Lucy rips him a new asshole while throwing around phrases like "make a difference." Romano joins the rest of the world in rolling his eyes and asks her, "What do you want?" "I want you to help my patient," Lucy thunders, then adds more meekly, "I want you to help me."

Carter continues his "GameBoys for gats" program.

Peter comes looking for Elderly, presumably to try again to convince Elderly that he needs surgery to live. The nurse points to a curtained bed. Peter pauses: "He died?" The nurse says Elderly coded about an hour before. Peter looks at Elderly sadly and sighs.

Lizzie does the same on the jail ward, overcoming her distaste for Rollins and talking him into having the surgery he needs. Rollins sleazes it up and asks if she's a natural redhead. Lizzie accuses him of refusing the surgery "just to win a pissing contest." She details exactly what will happen to him if he doesn't have the blockage removed. Rollins makes skeptical noises, and she folds her arms and says that she's told him the truth; if he chooses not to believe her, he'll have nobody to blame but himself. Rollins whispers, "You do care about me -- don't you." Lizzie says she does, as a doctor. Rollins says he means as a woman, not as a doctor, and then he makes her beg, hissing, "Say it -- say it." Disbelief and fury fight for control of Lizzie's face; then she leans down and says in an intense tone of voice, "I care." Rollins looks at her all mushily and whispers, "Then let's do it." Lizzie stalks away. Rollins swallows hard.

A guy in a steppes hat, Mr. Thorpe, hurt his hands on a generator, which he acquired in order to prepare for -- all together now -- Y2K. Ask me if I plan to dignify this stupid-ass plot by including it in the recap. Go ahead, ask me. Well, no. No, I don't.

All right, fine -- one sentence. Kerry assures Thorpe that the ER is Y2K-ready, Thorpe challenges her, she takes the bait, and Thorpe crashes the ER's computer and splits. Nnnnnnnnnext!

Cleo tells Chad and CM that Chad doesn't have any head trauma. Chad wants to know if that means he can go home. Cleo says she's afraid not: "I've made arrangements for you to be placed in an alcohol treatment program, here in the hospital." "You did what?" CM asks, and Chad says Cleo can't make him stay there. Cleo dodges that point by saying, "As your doctor, it's my duty to look out for your well-being and safety." Chad appeals to his mom, who turns on a big smile and says to Cleo, "Please, Dr. Finch, don't do this to us, I'll try harder, really," but Cleo won't hear it. Chad swears he won't get drunk again, and Cleo says she knows they don't believe her, but it's for Chad's own good; CM begs Cleo to reconsider, reminding her that "it's Christmas, for god's sakes [sic]," and Cleo says that puts Chad at an even greater risk, since he's "out of school and partying with friends." Chad, sounding desperate, promises again that he won't drink. CM comforts him. Cleo adopts a look of self-satisfaction.

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