ER
How The Finch Stole Christmas

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How The Finch Stole Christmas

At the desk, Carter lugs the Big Sack o' Guns out and tells Amira he's expecting someone from the police department to drop by and pick up the BSoG. Amira points out a nearby cop standing next to a gurney in the hallway, and Carter walks over and asks what happened; the cop -- Lydia's husband Al, as it happens -- tells him that the kid on the gurney shot one guy and killed a little kid in the process. Hmm, who could the kid on the gurney be? Not Sparks, surely. But it is Sparks. "It's you?" Carter asks. "What? You thought I couldn't score another piece?" Sparks cracks back. Carter sets his jaw, swings the BSoG down from his back, and growls, "You want a gun? Here, I got guns." He dumps the whole sack onto Sparks's lap, yelling, "Whyn't you take your pick -- you like this one? How about this one here, just pull the trigger and bang! A seven-year-old's brains get splattered all over the wall!" Carter cocks and mock-fires one of the guns, and the cop reaches for the guns as Kerry yells, "Hey, Carter, hey! What do you think you're doing?" Carter storms off, but not before shouting at Sparks, "Merry Christmas!" Carter, you forgot to say "and to all a formulaic and hopelessly predictable night."

Carol's house. Shots of the fugly twins gurgling and kicking. Can I get Carlos in here, stat? Carol and Luka have a first-Christmas moment -- "hard to believe," "it only happens once," blah blah blah. Luka makes to leave, but Carol invites him to stay for some eggnog. Luka doesn't want to "end up like those Santas." Carol presses him, so he asks what goes into eggnog "exactly," and when Carol mentions rum, he takes his coat off. If I give birth to twins, can Luka come over to my house? Because if that's what it takes . . .

Back at the hospital, Conni gives the Santa Brigade dietary guidelines for the next few days. Pukey Santa, who helped Kerry with a Y2K patch, stops by where she's standing at the desk and invites her to join them at Doc Magoo's. She accepts, but only after Pukey Santa offers to treat her. Pukey Santa mentions that he owns his own software company, and it just went public. Kerry remarks that she's "always looking for new investment opportunities." They walk out into the snow together. What. Ever.

Lucy -- hair back down -- explains a few things about the surgery to BHG, including something about how they had to split her breastbone, which will cause BHG a bit of pain for the next few days; BHG calls this "a small price to pay." Romano stops by and checks on BHG, and then he heads out, but not before telling Lucy that she'll have to come by his office to discuss "disciplinary action," adding, "Nothing personal, but I do have a reputation to maintain." Lucy sort of shakes her head and watches him go with an "oh, that wacky Dr. Romano" look on her face. "So This Is Christmas" starts up in the background. Oh, for god's sake, writers. Give us a small break, would you please? BHG asks, "What was that all about?" and Lucy murmurs, "Nothin'." BHG whispers, "I cannot thank you enough, Dr. Knight." Lucy smiles and says she isn't a doctor yet, and BHG says, "You are to me." Lucy smiles some more. "God, I am so tired," BHG says, and Lucy nods, and the music cranks up on the line, "Let's hope it's a good one, without any tears," and the camera pans up, and we fade out on the unmistakable sound of Yoko Ono "singing."

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