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How The Finch Stole Christmas

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Sars: D | Grade It Now!
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How The Finch Stole Christmas

I think the title Anna And The Crap might prove more fitting.

Carol bustles into the ER, carrying the twins. Amira, untangling the Christmas-light-motifs, tells her to fill out a form and take a seat. Carol tells her she works there, and the nurses all appear and coo over the twins and tell Carol how thin she looks (whatever), and Carol tries to tell them that she didn't come for a visit but to have Kate looked at because the baby "isn't feeling well," and Haleh takes a twin and heads for an exam room. Snore.

On the other side of the desk, Lucy isn't having any luck getting BHG transferred; Rush can't take her until the next morning when a cardiac bed frees up. Lucy has a brainwave and asks Chuny, "Is it possible to get surgical equipment transferred from other hospitals?" Chuny says sure, they do it between ERs all the time. Lucy asks how, and Chuny tells her she needs a transfer form and a doctor's signature, thus catapulting us into a rerun of last season's "Lucy and Carter chase their own tails all over Chicago looking for a guy to donate blood to his daughter for surgery" episode, except without Carter -- or any interest in the story arc on my part -- this time around.

Back to Swiss Family Rugrat. Rugrat whining; Carter, dressed as Santa, busting in and bellowing, "Ho, ho, ho, Meeeeeerrrrrry Christmas!" Rugrat hugging Carter all excitedly and whacking him in the goolies; Carter booming, "Careful down there, little Rugrat!" Rugrat figuring out that Carter is not in fact Santa. Rugrat's parents telling him to pipe down. Yosh contributing that "this is Santa's younger brother." Sars wishing they'd yank Lucy from the opening credits and replace her with Yosh. Rugrat yelling, "Go away!" at Carter. Sars yelling, "Go away!" at Rugrat. Carter looking for a toy for Rugrat in his sack; Rugrat planting a kick on Carter's leg and fussing that he wants the real Santa. Carter spotting a passing gurney and getting the hell out of Dodge. Rugrat whining. Sars wondering when exactly the show became so dull.

Carter goes next door, yanking off the hat and wig, and asks Peter, "What do we got?" The patient says, "Yo, Santa," and Carter gets the rundown: a fifteen-year-old with a GSW to the left shoulder, injured in a drive-by. The fifteen-year-old, one Taylor Sparks, bitches at Carter to get the Santa beard "outta my face." Carter asks how many times he got shot, and Sparks says, "That punk-ass Lohman emptied a clip at me," so Carter and Peter roll him to make sure they didn't miss any wounds, and while looking Sparks's back over, Carter finds a gun; he lifts it with two gloved fingers and says wryly, "Ho ho ho!" He hands the gun to Malik, who says, "Not exactly the present I had in mind," and Sparks gripes, "Hey, fool, that's mine!" Peter orders tests while Sparks continues to grumble about getting his "piece" back, and Carter asks, "Whatever happened to peace on earth, goodwill towards men?" Geddit -- piece/peace? No, I can't believe the writers resorted to that pun either, but in any case, Peter says to Carter, "You tell us, Santa," and leaves.

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