Thanks to Moira, cookie, owen, and Wing Chun.
Previously on ER: Hawkeye gets duped into revealing his Alzheimer's, and laments his memory loss; Luka explains his work schedule; Kerry pink-slips Luka; Meg gets arrested while Carol looks on sanctimoniously.
Fade up on the screen of a laptop and Mark "Putzing" Greene playing Tetris. Without a shirt on. Bleccchhhh. Elizabeth "Cut The" Corday wakes up and points out that "it's five-thirty in the morning," and Mark says he couldn't sleep. Corday asks if it has anything to do with his father's impending arrival later that day; as she snuggles up to him in bed (yuck), Mark says, "No, of course not." Corday says Mark would feel worse if he let his dad spend the holidays alone, and Mark grumbles something about "turkey and guilt" before saying, "God, I hope we can fake at [sic] getting along." Corday hopes Mark's father will "be comfortable with our sleeping arrangements." Hey, what about how the viewing audience feels about your sleeping arrangements? Because I find them downright revolting, myself. Mark makes a feeble joke about Corday bunking on the couch, and she giggles, and they canoodle. Ick.
Haleh throws open a door and hollers, "Peter! Peter, wake up!" Peter "Uncle" Benton sits up and wants to know how long he slept, and Haleh snarls, "How should I know, I just came on -- we need you now!" Peter shushes her and makes placating gestures with his hands, then lurches to his feet and into the hall, where an entering gurney nearly knocks him over. Kerry "Bide A" Weaver bellows, "Peter! Rough night on call?" Peter says they "got slammed" as he follows Kerry into a trauma room, and Kerry says, with a little too much relish for my taste, that "there's nothing like a trauma to get the juices flowing." She and John "Go" Carter help the paramedics hoist the patient onto the table, and Carter gives Peter the bullet: a choir bus, on its way from Louisville to a gospel festival, got hit by a semi. After assessing a blunt abdominal trauma that may require surgery, Carter makes a big point of assigning the patient to Benton. "'Assigning' him?" Benton repeats incredulously. Carter announces, "I am the triage officer; you need to let me know what's going on with your patients." Peter adopts a tone of weary -- not to mention hilarious -- resignation, sighing, "Oh God, this is a nightmare," and glancing at Kerry in disbelief. Kerry shrugs and informs him, "He's a senior, he requested more responsibility." She tells Carter, who has borrowed Luka's Mobsters 'R' Us black-on-black look from a few episodes ago, to let her know if he needs help before crutching away. Carter booms, "Right-o!" "Right-o"? Does ER share a soundstage with Fawlty Towers now? Anyhow, Carter proclaims in the same hearty voice that "the blood bank is running low on O-neg, so let's all try and go easy," goes next door, and gets the bullet from Cleo "Dorsal" Finch; Finch briefs him, he gives her instructions on X-ray procedure, and he breezes through another door and treats Chuny to the same overly hearty non-authoritative show of great non-authority before making his grand entrance into the hallway, and as Lucy "Starry" Knight hustles by, he thanks her "for joining us." Lucy, looking as annoyed by Carter's stentorian dinner-theater voice as I feel, says she slept through her alarm. Carter needs her in exam four, and Lucy asks sarcastically if she can take her coat off first, and Carter says no, she can't. Lucy vanishes, and Carter follows another gurney, this one attended by Dave "Dr. Dave" Malucci. A few more shots of Carter acting overly officious, followed by an interchange with Kerry in which he asks to attend the emergency-services committee meeting that afternoon and Kerry shoots him down. A little boy tugs on Carter's sleeve and says he has to go the bathroom. Carter tries to get Haleh to take him, but she can't, and neither can Chuny or Lucy, so Carter once again assumes his scoutmaster tone and declares to the ER at large, "If anybody needs me, I'll be in the men's room!" and leads the little boy around the corner, and for some reason, the same tone of voice I found so irritating throughout the entire scene totally cracked me up when Noah Wyle delivered that last line. Anyway, the kitchen gets started on that order of humble pie, and we go to credits.