ER
If I Should Fall From Grace

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If I Should Fall From Grace

Cut to Abby patiently explaining to two fully-garbed nuns that Carter just isn't available right now to change any bandages. The Strumpet Sisters insist their thighs would rather wait for the soft, smooth hands of Dr. Erotica. "I'm very patient," leers the older of the two. "Look, Sister," Abby starts to spit. "Helen," interrupts the woman. Abby nods. "The sooner you let me change the bandage..." "I'm Monica!" chirps the drippy younger nun, leaning toward Abby. Sister Helen darts her a hilarious look of pure skepticism, as if she doesn't quite feel right about her protégé's appraising glances and enthusiasm for Abby. It's only on-screen for a split second, but it's fairly awesome. Abby squints at Monica by way of acknowledgement and continues talking. "...the sooner you can get out and get back to doing your...stuff," she says, lamely. "And quite frankly, I need the bed." Helen sighs condescendingly and suggests that Abby notify Carter of their divine presence. Abby visibly tenses, fighting back all the slapping urges she's pent up, and bolts toward the suddenly approaching Carter.

"Your fans are getting restless," she tells him. "What is it with you and nuns, Carter?" Haleh asks. "It's almost kinky," chips in Chuny, who is otherwise very busy licking clean a piece of Tupperware. What a waste of a Chuny. Give her lines, not dirty plastic. Carter looks a tad rumpled in his suit, staring defeatedly at the nuns before begging Abby to handle it because of Gamma's illness. "I just want to make sure she gets settled before I clock in," he explains. Abby promises to handle it, apparently unconcerned that other people might be waiting for the bed that went to Carter's grandmother, based solely on preferential treatment. I admittedly know little about how hospitals work, and I'm glad of that in a way, but it feels wrong that Gamma can get in so easily when we've seen so many episodes with patient backlogs and crammed waiting rooms. I say, make Gamma sit shoulder-to-shoulder with the Great Unwashed.

Frank bitches about Tequila Willy, a man covered in his own puke and bodily fluids and emitting a potent aroma. "This place always reeks," Chuny says, having now resorted to taking whole bites out of the plastic container. Haleh happily notes that it's Abby's turn to clean up after him, so Abby turns right around and summons Neecole. "Grab some gloves," she orders. "I'm going to show you how to bathe a patient." Ha! That's inspired. Abby is my evil soulmate. As they walk past Reception, we see Haleh and Chuny swap mischievous smiles.

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