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Episode Report Card
Heathen: B | 284 USERS: C+
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Impulse Control

The patient who comes in is the driver of a Hummer that hit two oncoming cars. His name is Gus, and he's just waking up. ["Dr. Skoda, you should be very ashamed of yourself." -- Wing Chun] "I was driving. Must've blacked out," he murmurs. They ask if he's had a history of heart palpitations, and he says he had a heart attack two years earlier. "How is it?" he asks. They start to reply with respect to his ticker, but he yelps, "No no no, not me, my Hummer. It's brand-new." Luka and Sam swap a perturbed glance. As they bustle around trying to check his health, he's all, "Can you find out about my car?" No, they can't, because they are an ER staff, not the Assrod Information Brigade. Weaver bursts in demanding that Gus be moved if he's stable enough, because they have three more victims from the crash coming in, and they need the room. Gus obliviously observes that there are going to be a lot of crashes that day, because the roads are icy. Sam and Luka can't believe what they're hearing -- especially when Gus then turns his head and sees a little boy with blood all over his body in Trauma Yellow and sighs, "Good day to be driving a Hummer." The Hummer people are thrilled with this product placement, eagerly scribbling drafts of their new slogan that can play on the theme, "Hummer: So safe, it only kills other people."

Neela calls Sam into Trauma Yellow to help with a pediatric airway; Sam is alarmed to hear that there's a child involved. "Mom and Dad, too," Neela says. Gus sighs, "Damn shame." Neela blinks in confusion, and Sam confirms that Gus doesn't know he hit anyone.

The father gets wheeled into Trauma Green, so Gus is shipped out; in, um, Trauma Colorless, the relatively okay mother, Kathy, gets treated while she breathlessly asks questions about her family. Kathy's familiar to Once and Again fans -- Marin Hinkle played Sela Ward's sister Judy on that show, and was great. "What about my daughter?" she wails. "What daughter?" Malarkey asks cheerfully. "Malarkey," Luka intones as a warning. "They never brought in a girl!" Malarkey shrugs. Oh my God. He is such a knob. Perhaps if you turn his head, the door to his brain's good sense will finally open. Kathy sits up and screams, "Oh my GOD, is she DEAD and you're not telling me?" She's in a bra, and as they try restraining her, all I can think of is that Marin Hinkle has a very large bosom. Sorry, but it's really hard not to notice.

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