Impulse Control

Episode Report Card
Heathen: B- | Grade It Now!
Impulse Control

Neela is learning to do a pap test while Luka observes and instructs. "Once you have the blades in, pull the press straight down, and the cervix should come into view," says the man who probably knows best. The little blonde, Layla, looks a bit nervous as she exposits that the bleeding began the night before. Sam pops in, peering up at Luka almost as if she expects their first interaction to be related to their kiss, so when he asks her to do something nursing-related, she snaps her mouth shut almost gratefully and quickly turns away to do it. At least, I think that's what was going on -- it's super-brief and barely there, but it felt like an ice-breaker for her. Neela quietly informs Luka that Layla has bruises, a hematoma, and vaginal tearing as deep as three centimeters, and oh, OW, that hurts me as much as any mention of childbirth. Luka repeats this, because it sounds less scary when he coats it in the thick honey of his accent. "Is that from too much sex?" Layla asks, sheepishly. Luka hedges that it's from the type of sex. Layla swears that no one's raped her, expositing with a glow that she's got a fiancé named Dean who's in college. This is ER speak for "She's too meek to stand up to him, and he's a complete bastard." Luka gently asks if he's rough with her, and she bites her lip and giggles that they do get carried away sometimes.

Outside, Sam can't believe that a sixteen-year-old girl is engaged already. Luka changes the subject and invites her out that night -- a patient has a Korean restaurant, and Luka figured they could take Alex. "Oh, Alex has a sleepover," Sam says, and she's called away before she can say, "But I'm free. And, I'm not doing anything tonight."

The patient who comes in is the driver of a Hummer that hit two oncoming cars. His name is Gus, and he's just waking up. ["Dr. Skoda, you should be very ashamed of yourself." -- Wing Chun] "I was driving. Must've blacked out," he murmurs. They ask if he's had a history of heart palpitations, and he says he had a heart attack two years earlier. "How is it?" he asks. They start to reply with respect to his ticker, but he yelps, "No no no, not me, my Hummer. It's brand-new." Luka and Sam swap a perturbed glance. As they bustle around trying to check his health, he's all, "Can you find out about my car?" No, they can't, because they are an ER staff, not the Assrod Information Brigade. Weaver bursts in demanding that Gus be moved if he's stable enough, because they have three more victims from the crash coming in, and they need the room. Gus obliviously observes that there are going to be a lot of crashes that day, because the roads are icy. Sam and Luka can't believe what they're hearing -- especially when Gus then turns his head and sees a little boy with blood all over his body in Trauma Yellow and sighs, "Good day to be driving a Hummer." The Hummer people are thrilled with this product placement, eagerly scribbling drafts of their new slogan that can play on the theme, "Hummer: So safe, it only kills other people."

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