Episode Report Card
Heathen: C- | Grade It Now!

Eric and Abby take a quick breather in the doctors' lounge. Abby serves up coffee, and they talk about Maggie -- she's got a dog, she cooks for the dog, she's happy. "She's even good," Eric observes. "Maybe this time..." Abby smiles tightly. "Maybe," she nods. In a low voice, Eric apologizes for not being there for Maggie's last episodes. Abby cuts him off, and doesn't seem interested in rehashing history. "It's okay," she says. "No guilt, it's not our fault. Remember?" Malik bursts in, searching for a lost baggie of fingertips. The way he says it, it sounds like they keep a collection of random fingertips they can dip into during emergencies. Eric's good opinion of County General slips a bit more.

As she heads out into the chaos, Abby exposits for Eric's benefit that two neighbors tried trimming their communal hedge by hoisting a lawn mower in the air. "Teamwork," deadpans Eric. Abby waves off a call from Adele about Tina's detox bed, instead frantically trying to firm up some dinner plans with Eric so that she can go about her day. Hitch: Eric's catching an 8:15 train to Offut Air Force Base, where he's now stationed. Abby's jaw hits the floor. Before she can cough up any words, Luka grabs her for a transfusion. "Menstrual extraction victim," he explains. Abby thought he took care of Effie already. "Different one," Luka clarifies. "Some kind of party." No kidding. A "Suck Out Your Friend's Uterus" party? Wow. ["Yes, I've read about such things in Ms. Ah, ladies." -- Wing Chun] What theme food do you serve at one of those? Devilled or scrambled eggs? Eric is pretty startled at this concept. "One hell of a party," he murmurs.

Abby trots around doing various tasks while talking to Eric; he informs her that he's been reassigned to Offut, which is in Nebraska. "Again?" she asks. "Yeah. It's the Air Force," he shrugs, vaguely. He holds her coffee while Abby disappears into Exam Two to fetch the bag of fingers. "How come so soon?" Abby asks, reemerging. "Top secret," he replies lightly. Abby ducks away again to deliver the fingers to Chen, who panics because two wailing fingerless idiots are expecting their digits reattached, and no one sorted them before bagging them, and Chen's not so good with fractions. Abby brushes her off and returns to her brother. This time, they're interrupted by a ghetto dude screaming for his bitch's clothes. His bitch is Tina. He's probably her pimp. I love pimps. Who doesn't? What's not to love? "They're in a bag under the bed," Abby bellows, annoyed, turning away. "I heard [Offut is] pretty, and it's closer to you and Mom," Eric says. Susan hightails over and tells Abby that the little old lady in Four has diarrhea. Big shock there. "You needed a stool sample," Abby grins. "You can scrape one off the floor," Susan says brightly. "I'm starting to appreciate why you dissed me," Eric smiles, understanding that she's busy. "You actually like this?" Abby insists that she does, and that it's not so far removed from being an air traffic controller. "Without the menstrual extractions," Eric nods. Hee. Tom Everett Scott is so cute. He's kind of dorky, but I'll always love him for That Thing You Do!, in which he's actually also kind of dorky, but it's endearing, and maybe I love dorks, so stop judging me. Abby ignores another interruption from Pimp O' The Day, who might just be her dealer boyfriend, because he's pretty benign as pimps go. No bling-bling, the required presence of which I think is actually written into the pimp code. Eric senses that Abby needs to stop talking, because this scene's quite long, and so he promises he'll wait a bit longer for her. "Frank, take care of my baby brother," Abby calls out. "Is he potty-trained?" grunts Frank.

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