ER
It's All In Your Head

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Heathen: C | Grade It Now!
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It's All In Your Head

Mark enters Trauma Green to tell Guy that his wife is here, and wants to see him. Guy flips, as much as an immobile and badly burned man can. He desperately doesn't want her, or especially his sons, to see him in this condition. Mark warns him that once he's been intubated, he won't be able to talk to them at all, but that doesn't faze the patient. Casually, Mark flips through the chart and reveals that Guy's urine tested positive for amphetamines. "I've been working two jobs," Guy chokes, his breathing labored. "Sometimes I need a little help to keep me going." Mark asks how he takes it. Guy is silent. Even he knows what a dense question that is. "You smoke it?" Mark realizes. "Did you light up with all those fumes in the garage?" Guy whimpers that he just wanted to finish the dresser in time for his son's birthday on Saturday. Mark frowns, distraught that drugs ruined some perfectly good workmanship. Damn you, drugs!

Elizabeth clomps down the hall, especially matronly today in her enormous clogs. Dr. Robert "Fame" Romano chases her. "I was down in the ER," she says. "Let me guess -- rule out an [appendicitis] on a corpse?" he sasses. She shakes her head. "You're lucky," Romano grins. "I was beginning to think 'ER' stands for 'Everyone's Retarded.'" Oh my God. That's a shout-out to everyone who's ever watched this show or one of its promos. Elizabeth isn't charmed by Romano's ribbing about how frequently the ER docs want surgical consults. "I know your hubby's one of the big giant heads down there, but ...it's a wonder they all find their way to work every day." I'm crossing my fingers that this doesn't foreshadow a gripping episode in which Mark gets lost one morning and accidentally shows up at the Chicago Board of Trade, and ends up performing remarkable feats of medicine on the traders with nothing but an old orange jumpsuit and a stapler as tools. Romano gets to the point here, so let's get there with him: He has a memo from NBC demanding some Eriq La Salle face time, so he wants Elizabeth to call him in The Bahamas and make him book a ticket home. It seems Benton left some delinquent reports, and Romano wants them done by tomorrow on pain of death for Elizabeth. She crabs that it isn't her problem because Benton was the surgeon, and he left the show already, and this is the most contrived thing ever; Romano knows Benton won't come back to the hospital to take care of the paperwork, so he wants Elizabeth to handle things, or else Benton will be reported to the state medical board. Elizabeth answers a page that saves Romano from getting a swift bite to the bald pate.

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