Episode Report Card
Heathen: F | Grade It Now!

Adam puffs away on an inhaler. "Do I look like [Bree]?" he whispers to Abby. "Not as bad," she reassures him. Robin frets to her husband that they stood out at all the embassies and upscale hotels in Central Africa -- it seems Craig works for the State Department, and took the family on one of his business trips. Carter asks when they returned; the answer is two weeks ago. "We need to keep you both in isolation," Carter realizes. "You could be incubating the virus. You probably both are." He gets excited in a panicky way, warning them to list all the places they've been since they returned, and basically leaving his bedside manner in the hamper with his dirty socks and his superhero spandex. Craig and Robin get wide-eyed and start gasping, but then they tone it down because we're still a few crises away from the commercial break, so it's going to get a lot worse before it gets better. Carter explains that they'll send smears to the CDC for diagnosis, and that they're being as careful as they can given that nothing's been confirmed about what's infecting Bree and Adam. Abby invents a bogus excuse to call Carter to Bree's bedside. "You're freaking them out," she hisses. "Slow down." Carter exhales and nods apologetically, bummed that he's not filling the void properly, but stoked that his hair is thick and bushy.

Gallant holds a mask to his face and checks in on Chen. "Biggest public-health emergency of the century, and I'm stuck here," she grumbles. Count your blessings, man. I'll never understand these people who like to be on the front lines. In situations like this, I prefer to live by the mantra of Disco Stu: "Back away, not today, disco lady." Stan enters the room and makes himself comfortable over Chen's loud groans. Apparently, he claims he was in the ER on Tuesday, and thus was exposed to the smallpox. Chen doesn't believe it, and figures he's just quarantining himself so that he can snuggle up in a warm bed. "They say this could be serious," she warns. "I've had gastritis, hepatitis, and pancreatitis," Stan pooh-poohs her. "It's not gonna bother me." Chen leans back and decides she just has the flu. As Stan starts singing "Fever," Chen tells herself, "It's not smallpox. It can't be." I don't really get why they're quarantining Chen, though, since she's been breathing on everyone -- and all over the hospital -- for a week now, and if anyone's gotten it from her, they've already been infected. But whatever. Obviously, they have nothing else for her to do, and the writers hate her.

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