Peter "Tattlesnake" Benton pulls his car up to the parking garage, but his key card doesn't raise the barrier. The parking attendant checks her list but his name isn't on it, and she tells him to go park on the street. Ruh roh!

Carter examines Stinky Le Pew, Lydia's indigent patient, and tells him that he has a corneal abrasion. Stinky asks whether that's the same as pinkeye, and Carter explains that it means he has a scratch on his eye, probably caused by some dirt under his eyelid. Stinky muses, "Now, how on earth would that happen?" Carter backs away, takes in a lungful of non-stinky air, and replies that he doesn't know: "Maybe the wind blew it in." Stinky declares, "Well, last time I was in here they said I had pinkeye. Oof!" He starts...scratching his nads. Is this the trend for this season? Because I've already seen plenty in the area (as it were) of nad-scratching. At least work in a tit-scratch? Ass-scratch? Mix it up a little. "And crabs. I think I might have them again," Scratchy explains. Pinkeye and crabs? Pinch me, because I think I'm dreaming...of my perfect man! Carter suggests that they treat one thing at a time, and heads off for an antibiotic for Stinky's eye. "Will it stop the hurting?" Stinky asks. Carter promises to get something for the pain, as well. Wow. They show Stinky's face close up, and it's so caked with dirt that I can't tell if he's white or black underneath. I'm not saying I'm always immaculately clean or anything, but damn.

Mark and Dr. Dave go up to Surgery. They run into Elizabeth; Mark: blah ruptured appy blah. Elizabeth: thought it was a rule-out blah blah. Mark: it's probably blah ruptured by now. Elizabeth: Dr. Dave didn't give me a good enough story. Dr. Dave: I did, too. Elizabeth: did not. Mark: when we call for a consult, that's what we need. Elizabeth: oh, get over yourself, Don Baldo. She snatches the sheet off the gurney, exposing a bunch of equipment they're stealing. Didn't I already see this scene, like, five seasons ago? Thought so.

Chen and Lisa treat a patient who used kitchen shears to give himself Vulcan ears. They're bleeding pretty badly. The ears. Not Lisa, nor Chen, who orders Lisa to irrigate the wounds and treat him with various meds; as they walk off, Lisa suggests a Psych consult, and Chen agrees, adding that she'll call Plastics. The Spock manqué overhears and insists that he's not crazy. Lisa reminds him that he mutilated himself with kitchen shears. He asks how long it'll take, since the sci-fi convention starts in a few hours. Lisa cracks, "We're moving at warp speed, here, Willie." She and Chen smirk to each other. Oh, that's professional.