Episode Report Card
Heathen: C | Grade It Now!

Fry Cook gets wheeled into the ER, and Malarkey recognizes him as Pratt's patient. Chen treats him for congestive heart failure as Pratt looks on, downtrodden, realizing with a sinking heart that Neela was right and that he was just schooled by a student. Were this three months ago, a You Got Served joke would fit in nicely here. Damn the bad timing. "I haven't seen a kid this young in heart failure before," Malarkey says cheerfully as Pratt pouts. Does this mean he has to regurgitate the Vindaloo? Perhaps he can arrange to do it onto Malarkey's lab coat. Or his dinner plate.

Lester's middle name is "Rodney." Abby sprints to her place in line just in time to hear them all her name; her middle name is "Marjorie." For once, Abby grins widely as she crosses the stage, accepting her diploma -- or blank piece of paper -- and getting her hood draped across her gown. Luka stands up and cheers, as does Susan, who whistles with glee. Sam and Alex give her a standing ovation as well, which is so unrealistic. Alex doesn't give a shit. Suddenly, Neela's crossing the stage, and her whole family leaps to its feet. Susan cracks up as Neela glows.

Carter caresses a little baggie that contains a lock of ExCartus's hair. Stephen comes up behind him and decides that this would be a prime time for some overdue parenting. "When your brother died, I think the thing I hated most were other people's platitudes," he begins. "There are no words." Carter silently agrees. "You don't know where you'll find the strength, but somehow you do," he adds. Then he opens his mouth and spits out what has to be the least thought-out statement ever: "You can have another child." And yet Carter doesn't seem to think it's weird that his father is basically like, "Eh, the Cartus is replaceable -- just make a better one!" Stephen finishes by barfing up some of the reviled platitudes about being a tragic and unforseeable accident. "The whole thing was an accident," Carter murmurs. "No, it wasn't," Stephen says. "You love each other. Everybody can see that." Carter shakes his head and mourns that he's not sure Kem will want to make a replacement baby with him. Gross. It's way too early to be thinking in those terms. That's kind of selfish. So, Carter, allow me to roll that up and shove it in your gaping mouth so that you can suck on it. Stephen insists that Kem will want to have another kid with him, as long as Carter gives it some time. Like, at least another five minutes -- maybe long enough for her to get out of the bed in which she birthed their dead baby and into a different hospital bed that's a little bit better for an unprotected tryst.

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