Sam, Abby, and Neela snack on ice cream. Frank pops up long enough to steal one and get admonished by Neela. "One treat now and again isn't going to kill anyone," Frank insists. "In your case, that little truism might not be completely accurate," Neela says cheerfully. Sam decides that an eating audience is a captive audience, so she decides to retell the phenomenally boring story of her and Steve. It actually makes me wish I owned Ishtar so I could pop it in and show myself a better time. Sam was fifteen and scooping ice cream at the mall, and he was twenty-three and working construction, and apparently unfamiliar with the words "statutory rape" -- or even "disgusting." Apparently Steve would come in with his pals and eat ice cream and scope out her underage ass, and impress her with his sweat and his muscles and his apparent inability to snag a chick of his own age, presumably because they saw through his macho bullshit. So he and Sam hooked up and started making out in his Mustang. Having once made out with a guy in a Mustang equivalent, I can attest to the fact that it's uncomfortable and cramped, unless you are an Oompa Loompa. Neela, typically, wonders what Sam's parents had to say about all this. "They had plenty to say, but I didn't listen," Sam says. "What happened?" Neela asks. "Alex happened," Sam shrugs, licking her spoon.
Blair Brown shows up to play Kem's obstetrician. Apparently Amy Aquino (Dr. Coburn) either wasn't available, or didn't feel like boarding the Titanic this time. Dr. Fauxburn is giving Kem an ultrasound as she and Carter watch with panic. "When was the last time you're sure you felt the baby move?" Fauxburn asks. "In the bath this morning," Kem says, sweat breaking out on her forehead. "No bleeding, no cramping?" Fauxburn asks. Kem shakes her head. Carter begins doing an amazing thing: he's pacing the floor in anxiety without actually taking a single step. It's a rather intriguing effect, as if his innards are all trying to charge out through his skin. Fauxburn buzzes Kem's belly to try to shock the baby into motion, but nothing happens, so she grimly switches off the machine. Carter fights an explosion of emotion. Violins begin whining their way into the scene, which can mean only one thing: the Cartus is being played off-stage. "John, sit down," Fauxburn orders him. "Take Kem's hand." For some reason, this made me laugh. I half expect her to continue directing him thusly: "Hang your head in defeated anguish before placing your right hand on Kem's head and stroking her hair. Then, chew gum and walk backwards at the same time." Fauxburn tells them that she's been looking for a heartbeat for over five minutes, and there just isn't one. Kem lets out a primal gasp for air. "Sorry, John, Kem...The baby died. I'm so sorry," Fauxburn says. Kem begins to sob as Carter turns beet red. We fade to black hoping that this train of fetal fatalities, which began with the Weavus and just railroaded straight over the Cartus, manages to avoid the Chuckus altogether.