Episode Report Card
Heathen: C- | Grade It Now!

MamAmish gently tells Johanna and Thomas that both families agree it's time for them to return to Arcola to be baptized and married. "I thought we got to decide when," Johanna protests woodenly. Serenely, MamAmish reminds them that they got into potentially fatal trouble, and so she's sure they're mature enough to see that this life isn't right. Johanna twitches a little resentfully, and Thomas smiles. Are all Amish people this laid-back? My God. I'm a coronary case compared to these comatose people. Abby finishes up her business in the room and exits, bumping into Neela. "The Amish lady's working on them," Abby says. Very sensitive. "Oooh, the religious cultists?" Frank asks. Neela defends that it's not a cult. "More like a club," Lester suggests. Abby spies him and remembers to grab his test from her pocket. "How did I do?" he frets. "Oh, pretty good," she smirks. He opens up the page and whoops, "Ninety-seven!" And then there's a pause and he adds, "Percent." It's kind of funny but I'm not sure what it's in aid of, as there's no way there was anywhere near ninety-seven questions on the test, since Abby went from forty-one to done in less than two minutes. Unless that explains why she sucks as an academic. Lester gives Neela hers, and Neela reads it discreetly and puts it away. Abby asks what she got and Neela grudgingly admits she scored a ninety-three. "Sorry, I haven't finished yours yet," Neela lies. Abby knows that's a lie, and winces at what it must mean.

Gallant cruises into the lounge, where his sister Valerie is waiting on the couch. She's played by actress Joy Bryant (Antwone Fisher, Honey), whom I've just realized is the African-American doppelganger of Piper Perabo from Coyote Ugly, which really isn't such a great thing considering how useless Piper Perabo is and how she's got a horse's mouth. Actually, though, Joy is pretty. Gallant sits down and hugs her delightedly, confirming that her flight went fine. He then gets up to go to his locker, telling her that he's hoping they can grab dinner at Ike's down the street. Just then, Pratt enters, his back to Valerie, and hits Gallant with a bogus patient order before demanding to know why he's the last to hear that Valerie is hot. Before Gallant can reply, "Because you're more a pig than a ham and bacon sandwich," Valerie pipes up, "I'm sure he's got his reasons." See the aforementioned pig statement. Pratt wheels around and smiles easily, apologizing. "I'm Dr. Greg Pratt, your brother's mentor," he oozes. Gallant scoffs loudly at that. "Pleased to meet you, Dr. Pratt," Val grins, extending her hand. "Call me Greg, Valerie," he intones. "Call me Val, Gregory," Val banters. Pratt drools an ocean and her eyes gleam. I wonder if these two have a thing for each other in real life; they certainly seem to like working together, between this and Honey. Gallant notices the sparks and slams his locker shut, trying to get Pratt out of there. Pratt greasily invites them out to Ike's for pool and drinks. "Actually, we were planning to eat there already," Valerie gleams. Gallant looks like he wants to throttle Pratt with his stethoscope and throw the remains under a passing helicopter. "What a coincidence," Pratt beams. "Well, I spread the word around a little bit," Gallant grunts. "Didn't get to me," Pratt says through oily teeth. Val just delights in all this.

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