ER
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Episode Report Card
Heathen: C | 598 USERS: B-
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No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Romano tails his doctor through the hospital, barking that he's done physical therapy every day since his arm got choppered, yet he's still not fully rehabbed. The doctor feeds him a bunch of quasi-inspirational bull about how patience and attitude are two important ingredients to recovery, yet this patient's attitude is more along the lines of "Fix the left hand, or the right fist is going to rock your world." Romano complains that the little strength he had in the hand is diminished, and sensory function is nonexistent. Dr. Ron Obvious points out that, in case it escaped Romano's memory, his arm was severed. "I'm not some poor schmuck who's worried about how he's going to hold his beer can while he whacks away watching TV," Romano seethes. Wow. Can they say that on television? I guess they can. "I want my arm back," he finishes. The doctor notes that it's a complete miracle he has a real flesh arm at all, considering it got puréed on the roof.

"Chechnya?" Abby drawls. Carter pretends they've discussed this, then waits until Abby can't see him to bite his lip and shoot the ceiling a "Could you drop on me now, please?" look. "Remember when I said I wanted to try practicing medicine abroad?" he offers. Naturally, he can't just clear this up in two seconds by saying, "I have a fleeting interest and I went to Luka for more information -- it means nothing right now." No, he has to just go ahead and prolong it by being vague. Thanks, Carter. Thanks for the bitch-slap. "I thought you meant Paris," she snorts. Yeah, those needy Parisians could sure use a dose of healing man-boy angst, Carter-style.

Carter and Abby bicker their way to the front desk, where Carter notices a nasty smell. "Dr. Lewis was hit with flying feces," Frank says. Sure enough, Susan turns around and "ta-da"s, pointing to an ugly brown splotch on her breast. Oh my God. Although, the writers have been shitting on her all season, so I suppose it's only natural that they'd eventually get literal about it. A passing Jing-Mei "Deb" Chen giggles that clipboards make good shit shields. Susan nods, embarrassed and amused, and grabs the black sweater Chen's proffering so that she can run off and de-poo.

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