No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

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No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Luka, Susan, and Abby treat a girl named Sydney who needed her stomach pumped. "What did she take?" they ask her friend, Fiona. But the tox screen is negative, so Abby examines the stomach contents and detects cherries and nuts. Hee. "I smell chocolate," Susan sniffs. Fiona breaks down and admits that Sydney's boyfriend cheated on her, so she binged on banana splits. "You called 911?" Luka seethes. "I didn't -- she did," Fiona insists. "She wanted her stomach pumped. She must've eaten, like, 50,000 calories. Sometimes she binges and purges." She delivers this so matter-of-factly, it's sad. Luka shouts that, because of all the purging, we need to pause and eulogize Sydney's gag reflex. Fiona shrugs. "Clearly she has an eating disorder," Susan says, trying to calm everyone down. "No, I'll tell you what an eating disorder is," Luka intones. "When a mother hasn't eaten in six days because she's giving what little food she has to her three children." Way to preach, Luka. Seriously, did the Bishop reincarnate himself in Luka's voice box? He's irate at this shallow, callow waste of time, and storms out in a pious tizzy. "It's cheaper than liposuction," Fiona defends testily.

Pratt goes to check on Leon, and catches Carter in the room. Faintly, we hear Carter say, "Was he a friend of yours?" before Pratt bursts into the room. There's some banter indicating that Carter knows Leon's not actually there for a wound check. "He seems kind of shaken up about Biz," Carter says, lightly. "That's your friend's name, right? Biz?" Pratt stiffly asks John Carter, Boy Detective, to leave. "Come find me when you're done," Carter orders him.

Once alone, Pratt grills Leon on whether he admitted knowing Biz. "No! I don't know," Leon weeps. "Maybe. If I did, it was an accident." Pratt groans that Leon is a series of simple accidents. "You told me it was security guard that shot him," Pratt wails. "It wasn't a security guard -- it was a cop!" Leon whimpers that he didn't get a good look; he was scared, because it all happened so fast. "Did you have a gun?" Pratt presses. "It was Biz's idea...I don't remember, G, everyone started shooting! I'm sorry, G, I don't want to go to jail, don't let them put me in jail!" Pratt looks like he's suppressing the urge to wring Leon's neck.

Susan finds Luka. "I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you're having a bad day," she offers pleasantly. Luka barks that he's sick of treating patients who think pigging out is an emergency. "I'm just tired of it," he grumbles, stomping away. Susan whispers that she thinks Abby should talk to him. "He seems a little depressed," she notes. "He's European -- that's his baseline," Abby replies. The thing is, that comment is totally off-base and kind of stupid, but I don't think it came from an evil place. I think it was just a quip. A dumb one, sure, but still a quip, and I cracked a smile even though I think it's bogus. Why is that? I have no idea. It might be that I'm easy, or it might be that I'm chugging cider like it's oxygen. Abby then pouts that she's still mad at Luka for planting the "adventure doc idea" in Carter's mind. Because God forbid her boyfriend should have an altruistic impulse.

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