No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

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Heathen: C- | Grade It Now!
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Dr. Robert Romano crosses the lobby in search of Weaver, who's standing behind the front desk. "Don't start, Robert," she begins. "I've got a full..." Full lips, apparently, because Romano grabs her skull and plants a crushing kiss on her. Unfortunately, no one's around to see it, or if they are, they don't care. Weaver shoves Romano away, startled but not alarmed. "Who knew you were such a conniving, manipulative seductress?" he crows. "Well, I did, actually, but you have out-Weavered yourself this time." You know, it's a shame Weaver is a lesbian. She and Romano could've had some hot sex full of mutual disgust and lust, and post-coital self-loathing. Yum. I'd watch that. Romano exposits to a bewildered Weaver that Alderman Bright pulled $2.4 million out of his hat and allotted it to County General. I'm still really unsure why or how that happened, since the show's pointedly made the distinction between "city" and "county" before, and as far as I know the alderman is a City of Chicago official. But hey, whatever. Romano commends her on managing to treat Bright without irreparably breaking him -- "I know, I'm as surprised as you are," he chortles -- and informs Weaver that the alderman will drop by the hospital for a photo opportunity later that afternoon. "Make sure you broom all these degenerates," Romano says, waving a disdainful arm around the waiting room. "These patients are the reason why we're getting the funding," Weaver insists. Romano bites his lip. "Don't ruin this for me!" he whines.

At home, Greg Pratt is lifting weights and listening to music -- the How To Show Off Your Biceps Without Really Trying soundtrack. Leon bangs frantically on the door, because everything he does has to be frantic. "It's an emergency!" he wails, because everything he says has to be wailed. Pratt scampers to the door and opens it to discover that Leon brought home the notorious Dukey -- whose name is now Biz, for some inane reason. Biz has a gunshot wound in his chest. "Get your doctor stuff...fix him up, G, like you fixed me!" pleads Leon. Pratt rolls his eyes, panicking while trying to explain that this is a slightly more serious wound than Leon's ass hole. "No hospitals," Biz begs. "They'll be looking for me." It dawns on Pratt that this is an ill-gotten gunshot wound. "It was an accident," Leon whimpers. "We were gonna take some beers from the liquor store and then the security guard showed up, and people started shooting!" Pratt can't believe his brother was involved in an armed robbery. He angrily sends Leon inside and orders him to stay away from the windows and ignore the phone and any knocks at the door. Leon blubbers. "Do you understand me?" Pratt shouts. "Leon!" We fade to black hoping that Leon begins to understand things real soon, lest he drive us insane with his banshee routine.

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