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No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

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Heathen: C- | Grade It Now!
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No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

"Chechnya?" Abby drawls. Carter pretends they've discussed this, then waits until Abby can't see him to bite his lip and shoot the ceiling a "Could you drop on me now, please?" look. "Remember when I said I wanted to try practicing medicine abroad?" he offers. Naturally, he can't just clear this up in two seconds by saying, "I have a fleeting interest and I went to Luka for more information -- it means nothing right now." No, he has to just go ahead and prolong it by being vague. Thanks, Carter. Thanks for the bitch-slap. "I thought you meant Paris," she snorts. Yeah, those needy Parisians could sure use a dose of healing man-boy angst, Carter-style.

Carter and Abby bicker their way to the front desk, where Carter notices a nasty smell. "Dr. Lewis was hit with flying feces," Frank says. Sure enough, Susan turns around and "ta-da"s, pointing to an ugly brown splotch on her breast. Oh my God. Although, the writers have been shitting on her all season, so I suppose it's only natural that they'd eventually get literal about it. A passing Jing-Mei "Deb" Chen giggles that clipboards make good shit shields. Susan nods, embarrassed and amused, and grabs the black sweater Chen's proffering so that she can run off and de-poo.

Gallant appears to announce that Ed Asner is in the building. There is much rejoicing.

Susan hands off an incoming trauma to Luka so that she can continue on her path to poo sovereignty. On the way, she's cornered by a cop, who asks if a fellow officer felled during a robbery has been brought to County. She's not sure, so she puts Frank on the case -- and bumps smack into Romano, yet another obstacle in her neverending quest for fecal freedom. "Are you down here for a surgical consult?" she asks, surprised. "No, I heard Weaver was teaching a jazzercise class out in the ambulance bay," he quips. Susan rolls her eyes. "Okay, I didn't know you were doing this again," she amends. "You don't have to jump all over me." Romano replies softly, "Wouldn't think of it," and darn it, he almost sounds gracious. Based on that, and the fact that he ignored the giant, reeking splatter stain on her shirt, I fear our Romano is losing his edge.

Susan introduces Romano to the wrestler, Aidan, and points out an abscess on his right buttock. Romano whistles. At the abscess, people, not at the buttock. That was me you heard whistling at the buttock. "If you'd enjoy having testicles bigger than raisins, I'd suggest you don't start using again," Romano warns him. Aidan looks frightened. Maybe he didn't know testicles came in sizes bigger than "raisin." Susan explains, for the benefit of the world, that she didn't drain the abscess because she felt a deep perirectal component to it. Hot. "We all know what a big pain in the ass that can be," Romano cracks. "Good call." He exposits that Aidan's infection has spread up his rectum (which sounds naughtier than it is), and that Aidan needs surgery to correct it. "Do you want me to get Corday?" Susan offers. Romano shrugs this off. "Who's going to do the actual surgery?" she asks, curiously, "I'll supervise one of my residents," he replies blithely. "That's what I was worried about," Susan sighs under her breath as Romano wheels Aidan away.

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