No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

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Heathen: C- | Grade It Now!
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Abby and Carter stop in front of Ed Asner. "If it isn't the Ken and Barbie of the medical world," Ed sighs. "You look better," Carter observes. "I am better," he retorts. "Hello, beautiful." Abby smiles a tolerant hello. Gallant informs him that his blood-sugar was over 600 but that blah blah blah medicalcakes. "I could've told you that," Ed sniffs. "Type II diabetics don't get ketoacidosis." Carter looks impressed, then warns him to take his meds if he wants to avoid a hypersmolar coma. Ed gets a self-righteous look in his eye and says he gave his meds to a patient who couldn't afford his own. Carter is moved, until he's called to Trauma Green, at which point he moves away.

Bursting into Trauma Green, Carter is greeted with a fading, bleeding Biz. Long story short, Biz goes into v-tach, and while the dynamic duo tries resuscitating him, Abby shows up at the door with Leon in tow. "You shouldn't be here!" Pratt shouts. "Get out!" Leon's wailing and whining, so Pratt orders Abby to put him in a room, lying that Leon's there for a wound check and that she should be sure to give him a gown. "Is he going to die, G?" Leon shrieks. "Shut the hell up and get out of here," Pratt says, and for once, he's the voice of a nation. As Carter announces that Biz's heart is empty -- of emotion! Of love! Of honesty! Oh, and of blood -- Pratt stares worriedly at Leon's retreating figure, wondering how the hell he got himself into this storyline mess. We fade to black shoving pins into our TPTB voodoo dolls.

Back in Trauma Green, they've cracked Biz's chest and are trying to restart his heart the old-fashioned way: with pornography. Or, with internal paddles. Whatever. Biz has been down for thirty-five minutes, though, and as he hits asystole, Pratt is ready to call the death. Carter suggests that they could try more epi, because Biz is young and vital and scrappy, but Pratt's totally content with ending this whole thing and kicking Biz to the morgue. Carter shrugs his assent, so clearly he wasn't too convinced that Biz was going to jump back to life. "Is his family here?" Carter asks. "I don' t know," Pratt pouts, stomping out to talk to Leon. Carter watches; we don't hear what Pratt says, but the closed-captioners are blessed with ESP and claim that Pratt is telling Leon that Biz has moved on to The Great Beyond, joining Elvis, 2Pac, and one Norwegian Blue parrot.

"Any slower and he's going to heal before you can sew him up," Romano snaps at Jensen. Elizabeth enters, holding a mask over her nose and mouth, and watches this with concern. "Another one of your inspirational speeches, Robert?" she says archly. "I heard you were having some difficulties." Romano spits that she heard wrong. "Apparently," she says coolly. "I didn't realize you were back on a surgical rotation." Romano bristles. "I'm just assisting Jensen," he says through clenched teeth. "Oh. How are we doing, Jensen?" Elizabeth asks lightly. "Fine, thank you," Jensen says, but the Great Wall of Dung he's deposited behind him would indicate otherwise. Elizabeth calmly cautions him about nerves and arteries running dangerously close to his incision, and Romano grits his teeth in anger. "And the head bone's connected to the what again?" he sneers. Elizabeth sets her jaw -- or so we assume, as her mouth is obscured -- and politely replies, "Such a shame for this young man to come in with an abscess and go home with a dropped foot because of a severed sciatic nerve." Romano loses it. "Look, I've figured out a way you can help me: leave." Glaring at Romano first in anger, then in abject concern, Elizabeth backs away obediently. Romano is angry, affronted, and miserable. Jensen is shitting entire New England villages.

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