One Can Only Hope

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Heathen: C- | Grade It Now!
One Can Only Hope

Speaking of sucking, here come Pratt and Chen, frisky and repellent. He has apparently prescribed forty lashings with his tongue as salve for her wounded spirit. There's slurping. The audio guy should be strapped to a chair and forced to listen to the wet noises coming from those lip microphones; it's not human. They sound like two creatures of the sea engaging in some watery mating ceremony of the deep. With moaning. Oh, the moaning. I feel like Westley from The Princess Bride just fought me to the pain -- my eyes have dissolved in a fit of acidic rebellion, but the sounds of Chen and Pratt dry humping and groping each other will forever echo in my perfect ears. Chen rolls onto his lap and rips off her shirt. Pratt goes for the bra clasp when his roommate, Leon, bolts into the room screaming that he won the lottery. When Chen rolls off Pratt and hides, and my television sex peril is finally over, I feel that I, too, won the lottery. Oh, but never mind, because Pratt had to get up and PULL UP HIS PANTS in order to deal with Leon. Pratt should never not have pants on. "Who are you?" Leon calls out to Chen. "I'm a winner!" Outside in the hall, it sounds like Leon reveals that he only gets three of the numbers, but whatever. He's happy and Pratt isn't, especially when Chen appears behind him, dressed and hurrying out the door. "You gonna be okay?" he asks. "Yeah, I'm fine," she says, failing to mask her discomfort. She rattles off an excuse about work and flees. Leon follows Pratt inside. "She was hot," he observes.

Jerry, predictably, lost the lottery. Abby grins at him as she heads to the clock to punch out; there, she encounters Weaver, who shares that Luka starts counseling the next day and she wants him back in the rotation by Tuesday. "You should've been more on top of this," Weaver points out, and rightly. Abby spits back that she didn't ask for the promotion. How immature. That's no excuse for doing a shitty job with it. "Are you quitting?" Weaver asks. "Do you want me to quit?" Abby asks. "No," Weaver says. Then she pauses and stares at Abby's street clothes. "Did you change to go home and then clock out?" she asks. Abby stares at Weaver like she's never met her before. "Whatever," Kerry sighs. "Set a time to meet with Luka." Abby can't believe that she has to handle the counseling, but Weaver insists it's apropos of the position. "Maybe I do want to quit," Abby decides. "Too late," yawns Weaver.

Elizabeth tells Abby to check Sarah's lab results, and if they're negative, to have Erin discharge her. Abby is stunned that Elizabeth is sending her home without telling her what happened. "She's a minor," Elizabeth shrugs. "So you're going to lie to her?" Abby gapes. Elizabeth points out that she's at the end of her cycle, more or less negating the need for emergency contraceptives, and she's at an age where her father has a right to sign her out. "She's a fourteen-year-old girl who was raped," Abby argues. "Doesn't she have any rights?" Elizabeth bristles and orders Abby to check on the lab results. "Sorry, I'm off," Abby says, hands up, walking out on Elizabeth.

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