One Can Only Hope

Episode Report Card
Heathen: C- | Grade It Now!
One Can Only Hope

Abby "Sally Field Returns Next Week to ER" Lockhart is working with Erin "Leslie Bibb" Harkins on a young girl named Sarah, fourteen, who was found unconscious on the El. "Just let me sleep," Sarah mutters, barely conscious. "I don't see signs of trauma," Erin decides. "Abby, do you..." Abby curtly interrupts to say that Erin should order a head CT just to be sure. Then Abby leans into Sarah and, to best protect patient privacy, she shouts, "SARAH, ARE YOU ON DRUGS?" Sarah mutters, "Not drugs." Erin brightly orders a tox screen for proof. Jerry passes and tells Abby that her meeting has been pushed back. Abby is clueless. "The one with HR -- you know, the nurses' petition," Jerry tosses over his shoulder. Abby gapes at him in shock. Ah, a swinging jaw -- the sign of a brilliant and concerned nurse manager.

Then, Abby bumps into Eric at the desk, and based on his giddy babbling, he clearly hasn't chosen this week to quit sniffing glue. Before she can interject a word, Eric exposits that although he came to Chicago to see her, he didn't come to the hospital on purpose, but Jody got sick, and the words, they are tumbling from his mouth, and could someone please turn him off. Abby's like, Wha? The who and the what now? I think "The Who and the What Now?" should be the title of this episode. "Oh, my girlfriend," Eric says, gesturing casually toward Jody. This stuns Abby. Eric shares that they've been dating a few weeks, but some bad shrimp they ate in Biloxi are cramping Jody's style. And abdomen. "Biloxi?" Abby murmurs. "Yeah, I rented a Cessna for a couple days," he shrugs. Abby digests all this about as well as Jody digested her funny shrimp. With a huge grin, Eric introduces Jody -- his toothy brunette -- to his "big sister Abby." Jody grins. "You're kind of little to be a big sister," she says stupidly. Abby's like, Holy shit, my brother's boffing a moron. Abby swallows her objections and politely begins to ask what the problem is, but Jody vomits on the floor before the question gets out. We head into the credits wondering why vomit is the only constant on this show.

Dr. Jing-Mei "Deb" Chen wheels in a charming man sporting a confederate-flag bandanna and three gunshot wounds. Sadly, the bullets haven't plugged his mouth. "Right, mama-san, I'm bulletproof," Dixie whistles rudely. Chen twitches and says nothing. Dix wants a nurse to sit on his face. Oh, Dix, I'm sorry. With this hospital's record for quality patient care, you're never going to get any bonus cha-cha. Sorry. "Up for a lap dance, Malik?" Chen smirks. "Stay away from me, you chocolate homo," Dix snarls. "How'd you know my stage name?" Malik says glibly. Chen yells for Abby's help.

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