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Episode Report Card
Heathen: C | 388 USERS: C+
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One For The Road

When we come back, the car is still in the river. "It's getting deeper," Fry Cook breathes, speaking of the water level in the back seat. Pratt is more concerned with freeing Chen from her seatbelt. O mighty seatbelt! Truly you are a titan -- a vehicular prison warden not to be bypassed. Chen, of course, whines a lot about the pain and the seatbelt and the blah blah blah, and then sucks it up and gets free anyway. Once Chen is safely out of the seatbelt's greedy cloth claws, Pratt is cruelly forced to pay heed to someone from whom he's unlikely to get any gratitude sex. "How come I can't move?" Fry Cook asks. Pratt tells him that he may have broken his neck. The car shudders suddenly and changes angles; Pratt -- Mr. Physics all of a sudden -- explains that the weight of the engine always takes the front of a car down first. Chrysler executives everywhere are scratching their heads to try and come up with advertising strategies to combat "sinks like a brick." And at least one person is designing Floaties for the wing mirrors.

Malarkey eats fried chicken at Reception, sucking the meat off the bone like he does life from our souls. He complains that all the other interns got a vacation and here he is stuck with an overnight shift. Frank says it's because Malarkey always calls in sick. "I have Epstein-Barr," Malarkey says. "It's not my fault they haven't found a cure yet." Frank believes this as much as I do, which is to say, not at all, you knobsling, so stop fellating Colonel Sanders and fix a puking kid or something. Malarkey asks who the Attending will be that night; Frank says Lewis was supposed to do it, but she's on maternity leave. I love that they brought back Susan, only to have 90\% of her life happen off-camera. Lucky Sherry Stringfield. Malarkey fantasizes that her substitute will be "someone cool -- Carter, Kovac" -- who will let him go early. "Just as long as it's not..." he begins. "[MALARKEY]!" interrupts Weaver, with that all-too-familiar nasal bleat. I love Laura Innes but she needs to be kept within a certain decibel range. She scolds Malarkey for wasting fifteen minutes without picking up any patients, and then dispatches him and asks Frank about her other Attendings. Carter is apparently finishing up and Luka disappeared. "In the middle of his shift?" Kerry barks. Frank shrugs and compliments Weaver's nice suit. "Job interview?" he asks. Weaver glares at him, because really, she should be so lucky.

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