One For The Road

Episode Report Card
Heathen: C- | Grade It Now!
One For The Road

Weaver dispatches the newbies upstairs for orientation, and then starts having a conversation with Luka about "the baby," whose story must have been excised from the top of the episode for time or suckage reasons. Guess they were stuck with this and the later reference, because they're tied to other stories. Heh. No such thing as a clean lift. Anyway, while they're talking about The Baby, Abby dashes through the door apologizing for sleeping through her alarm. Weaver tells her that, since she already has an ID badge and knows where the bathrooms are, Abby was excused from orientation so that she could follow up on some patients from the previous night. "All you need is a lab coat," Weaver says, tossing Abby a folded piece of fabric. "Welcome to County, Dr. Lockhart." Abby looks down and the coat reads, "A. Lockhart, M.D."

Burly appears. "You a doctor?" he spits. "Yes," Abby says, almost surprised at herself. "Yes, I am," she adds with more assertiveness. I like her so much better now that she's doing something proactive with herself. (Take a lesson, Neela.)

Luka is now with The Baby and its parents. Apparently the kid got botulism. "Will she get better?" the parents ask. "It doesn't really matter," Luka says. "Your storyline doesn't mean anything because it doesn't show up anywhere else." The parents begin to argue about this turn of events as Abby sneaks up beside a bemused Luka. "Know anything about a search warrant?" she asks. "We're not doing it," Luka says cheerfully, watching the parents spar pointlessly. "IF I YELL THIS LINE MAYBE PEOPLE WILL REMEMBER I WAS IN THIS EPISODE!" the mother screams. "MAKE THE MOST OF CRAFT SERVICES!" shrieks her husband-for-the-day. "Good luck," Abby snickers to Luka, leaving.

Abby catches up with Burly, who is not hard to find on account of the fact that he's huge, shadowing her, and mustachioed like no man since Ned Flanders. "I was up all night trying to get that search warrant!" he complains. Abby shrugs that it doesn't say that County has to perform the search. Burly explodes that she can't possibly expect him to get a court order compelling them to do it. Abby smiles that if they agree to do forced cavity searches for cops, no one's going to come to County for treatment any more. Burly snorts that he's going to get the court order, and if Abby refuses that, he'll arrest her. Abby sighs and turns her head, peering into Tiffany's room. Tiffany waves. Abby returns it with facetious cheer.

The paramedics wheel in an older guy who is spitting up blood. Of course he is. "I'm Ab...I'm Dr. Lockhart," Abby corrects herself. Aw. The old guy, George, has tonsil cancer and his throat won't stop bleeding. Right now he must be kicking himself for not getting those bastards out when he was twelve. Haleh joins Abby in Trauma Green as they try to treat him with numbing spray and a clotting agent. Of course, though, the guy gags on something and sits up to hurl a bunch of globs of dark blood in or direction. Thank you so much. Next week somebody is going to barf up some eyeballs, I just know it. Abby tries to make him more comfortable, and then continues treating him. "You're bleeding over a large area," she says. Yes, he is. It's called Camera One. Abby offers him a few options, but George refuses any of her help. "If we don't stop this, you could bleed to death," Abby says gently. "I guess," the guy pants, "maybe today's the day." Haleh and Abby swap looks, Haleh's of sadness and Abby's of...God, I don't even know. Maura Tierney is great at inscrutable expressions but she deploys them just a tad too often for my taste.

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