One For The Road

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Heathen: C- | Grade It Now!
One For The Road

My notes here read, "Abby does rounds. Blah blah blah." One of these days that'll be an actual episode description in TV Guide. There's some kerfuffle over Abby having to take the interns around, because Luka took off mid-shift. Again?" Abby gapes.

Luka's Ford SUV -- "Buy Ford: We'll Stay On The Bridge" -- pulls into the parking lot of the motel Sam and Alex are occupying. He hops out in sunglasses and a tightish dark t-shirt, and my TV faints. Alex spies him from across the parking lot. "Luka!" he shouts adoringly. As Sam looks up and shoots Luka a stunned and agitated expression, Alex beams from ear to ear. And the most important thing: he has a mullet. Seriously. The kid has clean bangs in the front and long tresses in the back and oh, God, Luka, this family needs you.

Carter and Kem cross a bridge slowly, as if making a funeral procession. And as it turns out, that's exactly what they're doing: Carter has a tiny box that's full of their son's ashes. "Is there a prayer?" he asks, emptily. "We should say something." Kem nods, dead-eyed. Carter coughs. "We miss you," he begins. "And you'll always be in our hearts." And that's it. I know he's grieving, but does he have to be so Hallmark about it? I can't tell if he's in mourning or sending a card to an old friend. As Carter opens the box and extracts a small silver bag the likes of which contain free cosmetic gifts, Kem begins speaking French -- she's reciting the relevant parts of the whole "To everything there is a season" passage as oppressive violin music reminds us that the pain we feel in our chest is not, in fact, indigestion, but the sensation of horsehair bows being run across our heartstrings. Carter fondles the fancy little bag, then tips it out over the river, releasing his son's ashes, a vial of Clinique Happy, and some waterproof mascara. Kem weeps as the wind carries their son's remains away from them. Carter hugs her. "I want you to stay," he chokes. "I can't," she sniffles. "Please. I want us to be together. I want to marry you," Carter pleads. Instead of answering, Kem turns, throws her arms around his neck, and buries her face in Carter's shoulder. That's French for "no," I think.

Abby plops down in front of Tiffany, who is cranky and handcuffed to a gurney. "I've been here almost eighteen hours," she bleats. "I'm aware of that," Abby replies sunnily. She then begins a nice piece of manipulation by telling the girl that Burly woke up two judges in the middle of the night to get enough court orders to force them to do a pelvic on her, and now the head of public health is coming to do it himself. "He says he hasn't actually done a pelvic in about ten years, but he's willing to 'give it a shot,'" Abby says, using all the necessary air quotes. "So, you can either wait here for another hour for the old guy to give you what I'm sure will be a remarkably painless and gentle exam, or you can let me do it right now." Tiffany looks horrified.

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