ER
One For The Road

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One For The Road

Malarkey eats fried chicken at Reception, sucking the meat off the bone like he does life from our souls. He complains that all the other interns got a vacation and here he is stuck with an overnight shift. Frank says it's because Malarkey always calls in sick. "I have Epstein-Barr," Malarkey says. "It's not my fault they haven't found a cure yet." Frank believes this as much as I do, which is to say, not at all, you knobsling, so stop fellating Colonel Sanders and fix a puking kid or something. Malarkey asks who the Attending will be that night; Frank says Lewis was supposed to do it, but she's on maternity leave. I love that they brought back Susan, only to have 90% of her life happen off-camera. Lucky Sherry Stringfield. Malarkey fantasizes that her substitute will be "someone cool -- Carter, Kovac" -- who will let him go early. "Just as long as it's not..." he begins. "[MALARKEY]!" interrupts Weaver, with that all-too-familiar nasal bleat. I love Laura Innes but she needs to be kept within a certain decibel range. She scolds Malarkey for wasting fifteen minutes without picking up any patients, and then dispatches him and asks Frank about her other Attendings. Carter is apparently finishing up and Luka disappeared. "In the middle of his shift?" Kerry barks. Frank shrugs and compliments Weaver's nice suit. "Job interview?" he asks. Weaver glares at him, because really, she should be so lucky.

And now to the River Pryx, new home to Pratt and his Chrysler Titanic. Pratt and Chen have gingerly sat up Fry Cook while holding his head in place. "Try not to move your head," Pratt suggests helpfully. Um, if his neck is broken, I'm not sure he has much choice in the matter, but okay. Pratt comes to the conclusion that they're going to have to swim out of the car, as opposed to waiting for that damned beaming technology to be beta-tested. Chen complains about this, on account of her nicked leg. Diva, do you want to die? No? Then hush up and doggie paddle. At least your neck is in one piece. Pratt decides to open the window -- I thought you were supposed to do that, like, right away? -- and have Chen swim out and away, before he drags out Fry Cook. They all take deep breaths to prepare for the rush of water, and Pratt pushes on the window button. Apparently the significance of this escapes him until he has pushed it several times, with increasing frustration; it's not until after this vigorous attempt that he sits up and realizes, "Power windows." NO SHIT, SHERLOCK. Where there are buttons, there are power windows. So much for that plan.

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