One For The Road

Episode Report Card
Heathen: C- | Grade It Now!
One For The Road

Abby arrives at Fry Cook just as Elizabeth makes it there for the consult. There is some cooing over Abby's new job, but basically, nothing happens.

Weaver okays them removing Pratt from the backboard. Neela says she'll get Malarkey to suture Pratt's head. "Screw that, I'll do it myself," Pratt grumbles. Good call. Malarkey couldn't sew his own seed, let alone someone's cranial skin. Suddenly, Chen starts to crash in Trauma Green, and we find out that she's wearing a very modest, boring white bra. I would make fun of her if I didn't also own some boring white bras that I wear on laundry days or under boring white shirts. Just because she gives handjobs in movie theaters doesn't mean she's got an endless supply of lacy undergarments. They decide Chen is accumulating blood in her pericardium, and of course Pratt takes this as his cue to enter and try to take control. "Back off, Pratt, or I'll check your rectal tone with my crutch," Weaver hisses. And I will sell tickets. Chen croaks that she needs someone to call her house and get her father's nurse to stay late. Chen's leg pulses are faint, so they order some tests and Weaver leaves to check on Fry Cook.

Frank sidetracks Weaver with news that Sandy's brother Eduardo has called and sounds upset. "What, is Henry okay?" Weaver panics. "Who?" Frank replies sensitively. Weaver orders him to find out if her son is healthy. She's then accosted by Burly, who tells her they're getting a judge to order a body cavity search on Tiffany. "Good for you," Weaver yawns. She pulls a curtain around Fry Cook's body. "Henry's fine, but [Eduardo] still wants to talk to you," Frank reports. Weaver stiffens and refuses to take the call, because she's mature like that. Abby reports that Fry Cook has decreased breath sounds. "I agree," Neela says. So what? You quit. No one asked you. I like Neela, but she really needs to go away right now. Weaver clearly agrees, as she snaps, "You don't work here any more." Neela sighs, as if Weaver is boring her with these trifling facts. Weaver decides that Fry Cook is breathing fine and suffering from spinal shock, so he doesn't need a chest tube. Abby is surprised by this and resists it, but Weaver is certain. Ergo, she will be wrong and Fry Cook will die. Certainty is the kiss of death on this show.

Neela turns even more solemn and grave when she decides to call Fry Cook's mother. Oh, just become a nurse already; that's obviously where we're going with this. Yawn.

Malarkey stitches up a doped Pratt. "I shave my melon, man," Pratt slurs. "Go with the five-oh. Minimize the scar." Malarkey giggles. Then we cut into Trauma Green just long enough for someone to alert Kerry that Abby is doing a thoracotomy on Fry Cook. Irritated, Weaver trucks back over to Abby. That is a weird cut -- it feels too soon to go back to Abby. The pacing of this episode is really odd.

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