ER
Only Connect

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Only Connect

Out in the waiting room, Herb Spivak -- the lawyer that Mark Greene used for his beatdown case -- asks a guy how long he's been waiting and then says he's looking at a big cash settlement. I have to laugh any time I see Dan Hedaya on screen, because the weirdest hate mail I ever got was when I called Dan Hedaya a hairy motherfucker online and I got a nasty email from someone I suspect was either Dan Hedaya or his mom. But the dude is seriously hairy! Like worse than Robin Williams! If you don't believe me, watch Alien: Resurrection. Actually, don't, but if it's on TV, just watch the scene where he takes off his shirt. The dude is a monkey. Anyway, Sam rushes in with a guy in a wheelchair who is cracking bad jokes about working in an orange juice factory; he got canned because he couldn't concentrate. Okay, I laughed. Sam asks a girl named Amy to sit down, but she says she'd rather stand. Her little brother brats that the seats are too small for her, because she's fat. Sam promises to get her in soon. How about some potassium for that bratty brother? Or did Chen wipe out their stock?

Sam wheels Bad Joker in and asks Pratt to take a look at her patient, who slipped and fell at work and now can't bear weight. Pratt says it'll have to wait because he has "a hot MI." Sam clarifies, "I didn't say it can't wait. I said it can't bear weight." See? Because no one in the hospital communicates. This is like a bad video you would be forced to watch in some HR training session on office communications skills. I feel like there's going to be a group project and then a trust fall at the end. Pratt ignores her.

Carter, who heard the whole exchange, suggests that Luka make Pratt his number one pupil in communications school. Then Carter spots Malarkey offering to prescribe limitless Vicodin to make a patient leave, and says that Malarkey might need the slot more. Luka sighs, "I'm doomed," and then yells at Malarkey to relax and come see him when he's finished. Wendall perks over and asks Carter if he's going home. Carter says he's going home to sleep and will then come back to pick her up for dinner. Wendall claims to be craving a pound of pasta and garlic bread. Carter tells Luka, who totally doesn't care, that Wendall is "carbo-loading for a marathon." Shut up, Wendall. Luka tells Carter to "enjoy [his] honeymoon" because Luka will be fighting with Sam tonight. Carter tells Luka to have fun with that and runs away.

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