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Episode Report Card
Heathen: B | 469 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Out Of Africa

Paula and Susan are interrupted by a seventy-one-year-old former sitcom star who got hauled in for vomiting. It's Bob Newhart the way you always wanted to see him: decrepit-looking and befuddled. Oh, wait, my bad, that's the way you always do see him. Paula frantically insists that she wasn't drunk, so Susan asks her to take a blood-alcohol test. "Can you make me do that?" Paula cries. "That's...not the best answer," Susan says, which is Diplomat for "You are so, so BUSTED, beer wench." As Paula quivers and whispers that she just made a mistake, Henry arrives with his mother's bottle of water. Susan awkwardly excuses herself and promises to return with more news, leaving the eerily adult child to hydrate his mother. You can tell from Henry's quiet efficiency that he's mothered Paula before.

Bob Newhart is crabby. He's being introduced as Ben Hollander, but it's really pointless to ask the viewing public to call him anything but Bob, so Bob he will be. Once a palindrome, always a palindrome. Apparently, his neighbors placed the 911 call when he didn't answer the door. "All this over a bad plate of shrimp?" Bob grunts as they recline his bed. Neela points out that some of his levels seem odd, so Susan asks him what medications he's taking. It's a laundry list, ending with Digoxin, which he claims he takes for an allergy but which Susan recognizes as a heart medicine. He's totally acting shifty. Susan puts him on an IV of fluids. "Glenlivet, I hope," he mumbles. "More like Gatorade," Susan winks. She says they're going to check his blood. Bob doesn't like this. "I'd rather go home," he says plaintively. "Not until we know you're better," Susan smiles. Bob sighs and sinks back into the pillow, his flapping jowls swallowing up all the bone structure he had left in his face. God, I hope he's a closet junkie. I would dearly love to see Bob Newhart quaffing pills, tying arm-tourniquets, and dusting the excess gak from his nostrils.

Luka walks up to Michael "The Invisible Man" Gallant and, unlike his colleagues, does not appear startled to see him no longer a student. Yes, the one character with an airtight excuse for not knowing Gallant graduated is the one character who acts like he already knew. Man, this show defies logic sometimes. There's some small talk about what's wrong with Gallant's patient's knee before Luka finally diagnoses it by hand. Gallant is impressed. "No x-rays in the Congo," Luka grins to a passing Susan. Distracted, she whispers to him that she smelled alcohol on Paula's breath. "Didn't seem drunk to me," Luka says, remembering fondly back to his own days of boozy mistakes and concluding that he knows whereof he sniffs. Susan wants to call Social Services, but Luka would rather let something called the floor team deal with the problem. "If they do it, it'll fall through the cracks," she argues. "So, what, you want to turn it into a bureaucratic mess?" Luka snorts. Susan glares at him, taken aback and wishing she could gag him with some of that red tape he so desperately wants to avoid. She snaps that she's more concerned that the kids will come back tomorrow with worse injuries. Luka doesn't seem to care that much, which is annoying.

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