Quo Vadis?

Episode Report Card
Heathen: C+ | Grade It Now!
Quo Vadis?

Slowly, Neecole begins the break-up speech, praising his generosity -- but there's a really strange gleam of defiance, almost anger, in Julie Delpy's eyes. She often gives me the impression that she isn't sure what she's doing, or where she is. "Are you saying that's it?" Luka gapes. "You could leave like that?" He begs her to wait and chat at length with him when his shift ends, but Neecole rises determinedly and lies that she'll call him in a couple days. Softly, Luka breathes that he thought they had the same feelings. "You're a good person," Neecole says. "But you talked yourself into loving me." He did? Where has this story been playing out? Is there a late-night spin-off airing on UPN, in which Luka is a divorced guy raising three Croatian nephews with Neecole The Sultry French Au Pair and a whole passel of wacky consequences? Seriously, this scene makes no sense. The writers spent the entire season actively not showing any of the Luka/Neecole bonding, romance, and subsequent sex; now, suddenly, we're supposed to care about their break-up? My interest in Luka, though strongly fueled by his hotness and the fact that Carol broke his heart, still isn't strong enough for this pittance of a scene to sustain me. It's possible that much of the storyline got cut when episodes were edited for time, but really, I think there's almost too much of it missing for that to be true. Like, say, all of it. End rant.

Luka tells Neecole that he made her an OB appointment, but she gulps and claims it isn't necessary, because it isn't pregnant. Man, I totally wrote "it" instead of "she" by accident, but I'm leaving my pronoun error because Neecole is little more than a thing to me, a convenient plot device with a kicky accent intended to add the charm that the writers could not. Luka can't believe what he's hearing from her. "I felt safe for the first time in a long time," Neecole explains. "I didn't want to lose you, so I made it up." Her eyes flicker around nervously, and as she apologizes and repeats the last part of her sentence, Neecole flees. Just like that. Which means it's not over, and she probably is pregnant, or if she isn't, she's heading out to get pregnant by someone else and then come crawling back to The Croatian Sensation for love, money, support, and soft sheets.

While Carter teaches Gallant to suture -- on a wary older man, I might add -- he hears disruptive banging noises and lies that plumbers are working on the pipes. But then we hear moaning. Either this is an erotic plumber, or there's unauthorized nookie afoot. Carter notices Susan approaching The Whoopee Room and bolts for the door, blocking it. "Who's in there?" she asks suspiciously. "My allergy patient. And her husband," he confesses. Susan's aghast, but in a good way, that Carter's letting them take up a whole room so they can have sex. "I'm conducting a clinical trial," he insists. "They're young, aroused, they want their answer now…" Susan snorts, and wonders whether Weaver knows her ER has turned into a brothel. "It's not a brothel if they're married," Carter argues. When I get married, that's going on a plaque over my door.

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