ER
Quo Vadis?

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Quo Vadis?

A young blonde woman puffs lightly on an inhaler while scratching at her face. She's half of a honeymooning couple from Syracuse, and they've trekked to three different emergency rooms in search of a cure for her sudden hives. I know I keep making up names for people, but it's annoying to write "the man" and "the woman" all over the place, so for fun we'll call them Ralph and Alice. Abby and Carter are examining her. Ralph says that "guided imagery" helps, and tells Alice to close her eyes and escape to a peaceful place. Abby wanders away to grab something, and spies Neecole storming her way through the lobby. "Uh-oh, better hide the good silver," breathes a watching Chuny. They gossip that Neecole is only there to get fired. My heart is jigging. Ralph, meanwhile, intones to Alice that she must relax and let their souls intermingle, which is code for "dream about me naked, and be generous with the inch count." Carter quizzes about any changes in detergent or soap, and Abby asks if Alice might be allergic to latex. Ralph acts like this "latex" is a foreign substance to him, so Carter basically explains for very stupid viewers that condoms are made of latex. Angelically, Alice breaks away from her puffer to share that they haven't used condoms in several weeks because they're trying to have a baby. "Feel the warmth of the sun," Ralph coos. "Just embrace the joy."

Susan passes right when Ralph is spewing New Age joy, and shoots him a really amusing "oh no he di-int!" look. She's got Jorge in tow, and is escorting the fighter to Rudy's trauma room while explaining that his vitals seem strong. "Is he awake yet?" asks Jorge, who seems antsy. Susan shakes her head, but theorizes that Rudy will probably be able to hear him speaking at his bedside. Hesitantly, Jorge enters the room, where Mark and Papa Escalona already stand. Susan stares through the glass.

On the stand, Roger smiles innocently and says he and Carla agreed that Reese would always be their first priority, which is why it was so damn rude of her to up and die like that. I think the man playing Roger's attorney is a well-known actor, but I am not a well-informed lady, so I'll be content to note that his shiny bald pate and huge brows, and dub him Eyebrows from here on out. Eyebrows coaxes Roger to elaborate on his dedication as a parent. Roger lists, "I learned to sign, I've always been in contact with his teachers," and he volunteered tirelessly at Reese's school, in addition to donating sixteen of his kidneys to the science department and discovering a cure for bedwetting. As Eyebrows asks about Roger's employment situation, Benton violates Rule #143 and leans over to whisper in Roma's ear. He's pretty sure the bedwetting thing was a lie. Roger clarifies that he's self-employed and runs a website company, which probably should be "tech company" or "website design company" or just "website," because as it's spoken, it sounds like Roger manufactures websites. He adds that he makes his own hours and hasn't ever needed to ask for help in picking up Reese. Eyebrows asks if he's ever dumped Reese into the laps of others, to which Roger self-righteously replies, "I never wanted to." By now, Benton is getting agitated. Roma objects to Eyebrows' implication that Benton wants to fob off Reese's care-giving, but the attorney argues that Roger has firsthand experience with Benton's version of parenting. We're treated to a rehash of the long list of Benton's helpers, which includes Roger himself, and the mention of which has Peter fidgeting in his chair. "Did Reese ever mention where he prefers to sleep?" asks Eyebrows. Roger puts on a noble face and says, "He likes my place. Says it's his home."

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