Rock, Paper, Scissors

Episode Report Card
Wing Chun: C | Grade It Now!
Rock, Paper, Scissors

I really can't wait for the release of the straight-to-video porn movie, Fucking Forrester.

Post-stomach pump, Anne lies in bed, charcoal around her mouth, looking downtrodden. Carter paces around her bed acting superior, which is so very very annoying. He jovially asks her where she really flew in from: "South America?" "Belize," she says. He tells her she's lucky the condom didn't pop when she was in the air, since she could have died. "Maybe that would have been better," she mumbles. Still smirking that maddening trust-fund smirk, Carter asks her how she got into the muling business. She says that she was robbed of her money, passport, clothes, and even her shoes. "So you decided to smuggle drugs to get back," Carter surmises, sighing sadly -- at the way she's completely let him down, I guess. She says she met a man who was nice to her, and who said he'd be nice to her if she'd just stop in the U.S. for him. She starts to cry. Carter? STILL SMIRKING. "But you knew what he was asking you to do," he tells her. She sobs, "I just wanted to go home. That's all. I just wanted to go home!" Carter's face finally falls. At least she didn't stick it up her nose, George F. Pills, so CRAM IT.

In the bishop's curtain area, Dr. Dave is musing, "That whole celibacy thing was always the sticking point for me, though." You mean he's not celibate now? Is he married? Because...just kidding. Shut up, Dave. "Yeah, me too," says Bishop Cromwell. "But I got over it." Well, good. Because I would hate to think you were one of those bad bishops that keep getting arrested in the Maritimes. Though I think your friend Joe might have a little crush on you, so you might want to keep an eye -- or whatever -- on that. Luka comes in with an x-ray, and Dr. Dave non-sequiturs that St. Peter was married. Luka has no response to that. He throws the film up on a light and tells Bishop Cromwell, "You have a lot of degenerative changes, but no fracture. There will be some bruising, but the worst of it should be over in a few days." "Yeah, I know the drill," says the bishop off-handedly. "You fall a lot?" Luka asks. The bishop says that his arthritis makes him "wobbly," especially when it's cold. Luka asks whether the bishop ever uses a walker; the bishop says he does not, because it would "cramp [his] style." Luka says that a walker would save his hips. The bishop says that the last time he had a "flare-up," his regular doctor put him on a Solumedrol IV, and that it "worked wonders." Luka tells him that it's a temporary fix, and the bishop says that he'll take whatever he can get, as long as it gets him "through the hard bits." Luka says he'll give the bishop the steroids if he'll promise to use a walker. The bishop asks whether they're negotiating, and Luka snaps, "Not really. Do you want the steroids?" The bishop offers to use a cane, and Luka barks, "Yosh?" Okay, that might be a shout-out. How long has it been since we've seen him? Have we seen him this season at all? And don't we talk about him on the boards all the time? Anyway, Luka tells Yosh to put in the IV, and to get the bishop a cane from Central Supply. Yosh agrees, and takes off. We won't be seeing him again, so I hope you got your fill. Luka, once again, turns to leave, but the bishop has another parting shot: "What was your Confirmation name?" "Mihael," says Luka. "After the patron saint of the sick. How appropriate," exposits the bishop. Hagiographers, help me out: wasn't Michael demoted to "Blessed"? Wasn't he de-canonized? ["St. Michael the Archangel, usually referred to as 'the archangel Michael,' is the patron saint of sickness, as well as that of grocers, mariners, policemen, and paratroopers (whatever). The saints' calendar lists ten other St. Michaels and about twelve Blessed Michaels, but an archangel is technically a saint, and I assume this is who Bishop Cromwell means." -- Sars] Anyway, Luka stares at him blankly for a second, and then leaves the room.

In the lounge, Carter reads aloud from his performance review: "On occasion, he has questioned the decision-making of more senior physicians in critical-care settings." Weaver offers to show him a detailed list of instances to which she refers, but he declines fairly politely. As he continues flipping through the sheaf of papers, Weaver says, "Interpersonal skills, how you deal with patients and staff -- all excellent. In fact, it's hard to find fault with your work." "Really?" Carter asks, beaming delightedly, and very sweetly. Weaver continues, "You've made a remarkable comeback from a serious addiction, and I think I speak for everyone when I say that we're proud of you." Carter seems really touched and surprised that she has so many nice things to say. She points out that they're "slammed" and that time is of the essence, so unless he has any questions, he should sign the form and get back out. Carter folds his hands on top of the page and hesitates a few moments with his mouth open, until she prompts, "Is there something you want to talk about?" Carter opens his mouth a little more but before any sound can come out, Lisa shoves open the door in a yellow trauma gown and goggles and says that a multi-victim trauma is coming in, and all personnel is needed. Carter exhales, looking relieved that not only was he saved from making his confession to Weaver, but saved by Lisa herself. Weaver crutches out, and Carter makes to sign the form.

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