Sailing Away

Episode Report Card
Wing Chun: C | 1 USERS: A+
Sailing Away

County. Benton gives Chuny some final instructions regarding Reed. Chuny asks, "Do you want a Foley?" Benton does: "Let's give this idiot a tube in every orifice!" Hee. I.P. Non-Freely is still begging someone to take him to the bathroom. Moving toward him, Benton passes Haleh sitting with a chart. He asks her to take I.P. Non-Freely to the bathroom, and she firmly replies, "In a minute." When Benton gets close to him, I.P. Non-Freely says, "Benton, right? Peter Benton." Benton, not recognizing him, asks, "Have I seen you before?" I.P. Non-Freely says Benton has. Benton asks what for, and I.P. Non-Freely says, "I believe it was an exploding condom." That's, like, every other patient in here; you'll have to narrow it down. Benton's all, "Excuse me?" I.P. Non-Freely lowers his voice and says, "You filled a condom with gas from a Bunsen burner...." Benton twigs: "Mr. Ferris!" He vigorously shakes hands with Mr. Ferris (formerly I.P. Non-Freely), and they catch up; Mr. Ferris was Benton's high-school Science teacher. Benton offers to take Mr. Ferris to the bathroom himself.

As they slowly make their way to the bathroom, Benton asks how Mr. Ferris is doing. Mr. Ferris says he's been all right until the last month, when he had a stroke. Benton asks what caused it, and Mr. Ferris says it was atrial fibrillation. He's at the hospital today because he had his teeth cleaned and his gums won't stop bleeding. Benton basically offers to give Mr. Ferris the VIP treatment.

Oklahoma. Sally sleeps in the back seat as Cat Stevens's "Oh Very Young" cloys...I mean "plays" on the stereo. Lisa turns it down and tells Carter, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let you come here. You shouldn't have to deal with this." Carter lies that it's "no problem" and asks, "Is this as bad as it gets? Has it been worse?" Lisa considers and says, "It's always different. Sort of. Or maybe I'm different. Your perspective changes from seven twenty. [chuckles mirthlessly] Although, it was pretty bad the time she locked herself in the garage and turned on both cars." Carter brilliantly deduces that "she's been suicidal." Lisa confirms it. Carter asks how many times, and Lisa clarifies, "Seriously? Two times." She leans forward to turn up the stereo, and settles back, smiling ruefully. The car drives.

Benton treats some other frat moron, Adam, who cut a tendon in his hand with a broken beer bottle. Adam sheepishly admits that he was stupid. Benton guesses that it's Greek Week. Adam, who I hope is not majoring in anything that leads to a life-and-death career, marvels, "How'd you know?" Well, Adam, for one, you're wearing a sweatshirt with Greek letters across the chest. For another, as Benton notes, "You smell like you slept in a beer garden." Benton irrigates the wound as Adam says that he actually slept in a car trunk. He starts, and leans off the end of the bed to vomit. Benton, disgusted, "So you were locked in a trunk?" Adam says it's "a pledging thing." Benton sniffs, "And that's supposed to make you feel like a man?" Adam doesn't know: "It's tradition." Benton asks how the bottle got broken, and Adam says he was pounding it against the inside of the trunk, and that he'd panicked. Benton tells Adam -- who in addition to being a moron has never read a book or watched a TV show -- that he experienced claustrophobia. Adam sucks, "But I knew they'd come back! They did last time!" Benton, incredulous: "You did this before?" Adam says he's pledging again: "I didn't make it through last time." Benton suspends judgment, saying simply, "I guess you really want this, huh?" Adam claims that the assholes who locked him in the trunk of a car with nothing but a bottle of beer are "good guys." Down the hall, we can hear Elizabeth henpecking Mark. Benton excuses himself.

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