Sand And Water

Episode Report Card
Sand And Water

After work, Mark is driving Elizabeth somewhere. She complains about a case she'd worked on, and uses the word "gigavolt." Blah blah blah, who cares. She asks where they're going, and he says, "You'll see." "These are houses, Mark," she says. He knows. Oh god, I see where this is going.

Mark and Elizabeth walk into an empty, huge, and quite lovely house. A bit too much butter-cream-coloured paint for my taste, but you can always paint over the previous owner's bland choices. Anyway, she rightly exclaims over the beauty of the house, and he jokes, "See? I have some taste." She asks if he can afford it, and he says he's been living cheap: "Besides, I'm going to have a roommate." She snickers that he's being awfully presumptuous (word), but he tells her he can always take out an ad and she smacks him and says, "You will not! I love it!" He invites her to check out the fridge: "It's nice and cold." She runs through the (huge) kitchen out to the deck, and he says he knew she'd love that. She asks when they can move in, and he asks when she can pack. She squeals, and he tries to bring her attention back to the fridge, telling her, "It has an icemaker." Dude, enough about the fr-- Oh. No. I see where this is going. NOOOO! He's going to propose! She starts creaming her skirt over the gorgeous floors, and he tells her again to check out the icemaker. She dismissively says it's lovely, but he says, "You have to open it. It has a special ice feature." Oh, DUDE! Ring in the ice, ring in the ice! She's all, enough about the fridge, Rain Man, but agreeably opens the freezer and immediately closes it with a stricken expression. She looks, in fact, like she's about to barf. As do I. Her face fallen, she breathes, "Oh my god! Mark!" He moves toward her, and she opens the freezer door again. Sure enough, there's a ring in there (I thought he'd maybe frozen a ring actually into one of the compartments in the ice tray, but it's just there, in its presentation box. Much more pedestrian, if you ask me), and he takes it out and says he's a little nervous, so she should let him say it. She covers her mouth with her fists. He rather formally says, "Elizabeth. I love you. I was hoping you'd give me the joy and honour of being your husband." She exhales loudly, and squeaks, "Oh!" He asks if that's a yes, and she takes the ring out of the box and tries not to cry while slipping it on her finger and saying "yes." Then they make out. My proposal story is much cuter, y'all. Check it out: I was living in Toronto and going to grad school, and Glark was living and working in Los Angeles. We'd been dating a little over a year, and had lived in different countries for about seven months. Because I was a poor student and because, with the time difference and such, it was often hard for us to catch each other on the phone, we used to make appointments as to who'd call whom, and when, and this one Saturday night when I was planning to be home finishing a term paper, Glark said he'd call me around 10 PM. So he did, and I was working on my paper like the diligent student I generally wasn't. He told me that he had "a spy" in Toronto who'd left something for me in my mailbox earlier that day, and that I should go downstairs and get it and then he'd call back in five minutes. He had a friend who lived outside the city and since I'd been out all afternoon I thought this guy must have come by then. So I darted downstairs in my pyjamas and slippers, grabbed a bulky little envelope out of the mailbox, and ran back upstairs to open it. Inside was a peach Ring Pop (I still have it -- in my freezer, in fact -- but it's melted a little bit each time we've moved and doesn't look so good these days) and Polaroid of Glark, standing in front of my mailbox holding the Ring Pop in his hand; "MARRY ME?" was written across the bottom of the photo. I immediately started freaking out in my apartment, and told my roommate that Glark had just proposed. But I wasn't sure where he was or whether he was really going to call back in five minutes as he said, so I paced a bit in my room and then finally ran back downstairs, where Glark was waiting across the street from my apartment door all stalker-like. I waved him over, because I didn't have my keys and was still in my pyjamas, and we kissed, and he asked what my answer was, and I said it was yes. And that, my friends, is a proposal story. ["[Sniffle!]" -- Sars]

What's that? This isn't a recap of my life? Oh, right. ER. Montage alert! Mrs. Glenda watches mournfully as Weaver takes the air mask off Glenda. Lisa acts as a witness as Regina and Joseph baptize Rex on what appears to be a roof. From the other side of the room, Glark calls out, "Are they going to launch that thing off the roof with a catapult?" If only. And see, folks -- three and a half years later and the romance is still there. Weaver intubates Glenda. Mrs. Glenda looks away. Baptize, baptize. Intubate, intubate. Weaver tells Mrs. Glenda she's sorry. Mrs. Glenda nods briefly. The priest pours from a mickey of holy water onto Rex's scary-ass head. Not shown: the catapult sending Rex to his eternal reward. ["Also not shown: Sars and Wing Chun going to hell for thinking that's funny." -- Sars]

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