Luka and Carter fight energetically. We're so lucky to have this all on widescreen -- that way, we don't miss any of the macho posturing. "[The sex] was a rumor Carter started," Abby says. "Oh, God, that is low!" Susan gapes. "I thought so," breezes Abby. Susan pauses, then confesses that she hasn't slept with Carter either, and it's now Abby's turn to be floored. "That definitely violates the second-date rule," she muses. Evidently, Abby's has a friend who theorizes sex should always happen after a second date so that you doesn't waste time in a pairing that lacks chemistry. Since this is generally a chemistry-free show, I can't decide if adhering to the Second-Date Rule would ultimately lead to more or less sex for the ER denizens.
Susan admits that she's unsure whether she and Carter have chemistry, but that there have been occasional sparks. "It's either there or it's not," Abby says. "You can't force it. Believe me, I've tried." That is John Wells speaking. "You Can't Force It" should be tattooed on the writers' palms. Meanwhile, Carter and Luka continue to whip around their epees. I find it hard to believe that Carter, who was traumatized so gravely by his stabbing, would fence without any protective gear whatsoever. The swords aren't razor sharp, but they are knives and I'd think epee-play without padding should make Carter a bit squiffy. Susan confesses that she thinks Abby is part of what's keeping her and Carter from growing together. "He denies it, but he's not convincing," Susan shares. Abby appears interested, but not in a deeply needy sexual sense. "Why didn't you two happen?" Susan inquires. Abby chews on this, staring at her love interests as they poke each other's bodies. How naughty. "Timing," she finally answers.
Meanwhile, Luka nicks Carter's arm. "Are you okay?" he worries. "If you're hurt, we should stop." Oh, no. Carter won't have any of that. He's all, "Bring it, bitch." Luka's all, "I can Zorro your skinny rich ass," and Carter's all, "Miss Beyoncé Knowles tells me I'm a survivor, I'm not gon' give up, I'm not gon' stop, I'm gon' work harder." Abby sighs. "This is not going to end well," she decides tiredly. The two men fence again and get into what looks like a mutual pricking. Carter gets Luka on his knees and then whacks him in the head. This part will be the basis for volumes of Carter/Luka fan fiction. Angrily, Luka stands up and goes after Carter, slashing Carter's forehead slightly. Carter freaks and the girls shriek. As Luka turns away, Carter feels a rage that's hotter than a thousand suns and whiter than his sneakers. He tucks his head down, pumps his arms, and bolts toward Luka's back to tackle him. Run, Forrest! Run!