Gritting her teeth, Susan confesses, "I spent the night at Mark's the night before last, and [Carter] won't let it go." She turns to Abby, who is highly intrigued. "I slept on the sofa. He thinks I slept with Mark!" Susan squeals. As a Mark detractor, I enjoy her tone of voice, which is one of "Ew, can you imagine?" But I still think it's poor storytelling, because she once wanted to sleep with Mark and it's revisionist for her to act so disgusted by it all of a sudden, even if she is completely over her crush of old. Carter begs her not to talk about this here, but Susan's on a roll, raging that, years ago, Mark had a crush on her, but now they're friends. Carter hops up and scurries to the front row, sitting to Abby's right so that she's smack in the middle of him and Susan. Do you get it? Carter smarms that it must've just been a harmless night in a recently single man's apartment, a man "who's still desperately in love with you." Abby appraises Carter curiously, cocking her head to check and see how green his eyes have become. Susan swears that Mark isn't in love with her, which is a valid claim considering he's married to someone else. Luka suddenly jerks up his head and asks, "Who's single?" He gets the bullet on Elizabeth and Mark, yet seems remarkably unconcerned except on a superficial level, because he was ignorant of all the drama. "Where was I?" he wonders. Ha ha, wacky scribes!
Susan hisses that she only went to Mark's because it was an emergency, and she wouldn't have bothered had it not been vitally important. "Well, if he really needed you..." Carter bitters. "He's a friend. I helped him out," she snaps. "I'm sure you did," he mutters. Susan refuses to discuss this further. This conversation makes them both so unappealing. What an inspired idea by the writers! Mark's leaving, so we have to dislike someone next season, and this is making that choice a lot easier. It's a buffet of bad, boring people. "What kind of emergency?" Carter presses. "None of your damn business!" shouts Susan, assuring him that he'll feel really, really small when he finds out what it was. But she won't tell him. But he'll feel small. Really small. Susan sticks her fingers in her ears and sticks out her tongue. Carter calls her a gaylord stupidbrain, and Susan's all, "Bull hickey!" and kicks sand in his eye, and Carter steals her plastic shovel and pail, and Susan screams for Mommy, and John Wells appears with two glasses of Sunny D to make it all better. Hey, why does Microsoft Word insist on capitalizing "gaylord"? Did Bill Gates put Mitch Gaylord in the dictionary?