ER
Secrets And Lies

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Heathen: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Secrets And Lies

This pulls us back out to a normal shot. Susan squeals, because she's never seen a plastic before, or balloons, or fishnet. Abby throws the doll at Gallant while Susan snorts some more. The girls rummage until they find a "big purple thing" with some kind of mystery on-off switch that, when triggered, creates a vibrating noise. Two guesses as to what the object is! Except Abby and Susan act like they've never seen a vibrator before, and grab the giant black-harnessed dildo so they can lob it at Luka and squeal. He catches it with aplomb and studies it, totally amused. "That does not occur in nature," chuckles Abby. Of course it doesn't. Most penises aren't detachable. Susan picks out a black mask and turns to Carter. "Oh, Carter," she says teasingly, chasing after him with the thing. Abby dons a choker, picks up a feathered crop, and says, "Should I quit my day job?" As she whirls around, Weaver rushes in and catches the Ship of Fools steaming along at full tilt. Gallant lets the doll sag to the floor, so that its face is right in his guilty crotch.

Cut to a shot of the deflated doll draped across the bag's gaping mouth. No, I'm not talking about Weaver. She is busy delivering a lecture on financial liability and professionalism, while everyone but Gallant sits in chagrined silence. Gallant waits in Trauma Green, alone. "We were just blowing off steam," Susan tries. No dice. Weaver is disgusted that they sank to such a low in front of a poor, innocent medical student, who's taken anatomy but shouldn't be exposed to something as evil as a quaking purple faux-penis. Weaver demands to know who brought the sex toys to work. "We're aware our behavior was inappropriate," begins Carter in his smoothest voice, but Weaver will have none of his bootylicking. "Who does this belong to?" she yells shrilly. Silence. "A patient," Abby pipes up, embarrassed. Weaver reams Luka, a senior Attending, for not snuffing out the hijinks, and then demands comment from the others. "We're all sorry," Abby offers. "Damn right you're sorry!" Weaver snaps. She will call human resources to find a way to avert a disciplinary hearing, "Which, I might add, this department can ill-afford right now." Oh, ugh, shut UP, the lot of you! Laura Innes looks completely embarrassed by this material and by the sound of her own voice. It's painful to watch. Weaver demands better behavior from everyone, and flounces out of the room to scold Gallant.

"Thanks a lot, girls," Carter brats. "I asked you not to touch that bag." Oh, waaaaah, Johnny. Stop sucking your thumb. Susan points out that the men could've left the room. They watch Mommy Weaver give a verbal spanking to her little boy, then storm away. "I should've told her Gallant wasn't involved," frets Susan. Carter brats that she should've also included Carter and Luka on that list. As they enter Trauma Green, Susan groans, "You were that kid in elementary school who always told, right?" Abby approaches a quietly distraught Gallant, who coolly pretends that he's fine and leaves without looking at her.

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