Start All Over Again

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Heathen: C | Grade It Now!
Start All Over Again

Susan has a thousand units of Dilantin ready for the seizing woman. Her husband enters, and Luka asks whether his wife has epilepsy. In Spanish, the man says he doesn't think she does; Luka yells for a translator, but Susan intervenes and immediately starts addressing the man in Spanish. I'll translate it. Susan asks if his wife is on any medications, and the man replies that she's taking something to block tuberculosis. "I have the bottle," he says, rummaging in his pocket. Susan asks whether she's taking anything else, but the man insists she's following the label's exact instructions -- eleven pills per day. Susan freaks, and explains to Luka that the word once, pronounced ON-say, means "eleven." But the instructions on her pill bottle were written in English, so the patient accidentally interpreted the word "once" as once. This is a pretty clever twist, I think, although you'd think the woman would notice that none of the other words on the label looked familiar. Still, it's such an innocent mistake, and probably not altogether uncommon. Susan orders six grams of Pyridoxine as Yosh escorts the husband to a waiting area. He calls out, "Doctor, can you help her?" Susan turns. "Yes, we're going to help her," she replies. Turning back, Susan calls for Pavulon while they wait for the other medication. Luka quietly asks what she told the man. "I said we'd help her," Susan repeats. As machines and monitors beep wildly, Luka stares first at Susan, then at the woman, and exhales in sheer skepticism.

An older Russian woman follows Carter through the hospital, complaining of dehydration and the fact that she can't keep down any fluids. "You have gallstones the size of golf balls," Carter says pleasantly. She doesn't understand, but Carter doesn't have time to explain because Abby yells for his help with Stegman. He's crashing, so they're going to cardiovert. Stanley -- the other med student -- gets the call. Carter explains that the paddles are charged, so he must apply firm pressure to the chest, back off, and say "clear" before pressing the buttons. Naturally, Stanley botches this, so Carter is not out of the way in time, and Stegman's twitching arm nails him right in the balls. Abby freaks, thinking he's been shocked, and reprimands Stanley for yelling "clear" too late. Stanley, though, is enamored of his lifesaving work, happily proclaiming that Stegman has a pulse and a normal sinus rhythm. Carter chokes that his balls took a beating, perhaps some cosmic vengeance for thinking they'd had gotten big enough to warrant his Big Man on Hospital Campus behavior. Abby preps an ice pack for him. "Feels like someone kicked me in the chest," Mr. Stegman moans. "Well, consider yourself lucky, Mr. Stegman," Abby replies, glaring pointedly at Stanley. Carter staggers to his feet, clearly interested in vomiting up at least one of his private orbs.

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