The Crossing

Episode Report Card
Wing Chun: B- | Grade It Now!
The Crossing

Back from the break, a super at the bottom of the screen tells us it's "Seven Hours Earlier." Some poor fool tears up toward the camera, screaming, "Water! I need water!" He makes for the water fountain and starts splashing his face. Lisa chases after him, saying that she told him to give it a few seconds. He whines that "it stings," and she repeats that if he gives it a few seconds, the pain will fade. From the desk, Luka asks , without any particular conviction, whether Lisa needs help; in an irritated tone, she says she doesn't, and that she just gave the patient, Mr. Martin, "a drop of alcaine." Also standing behind the desk in his street clothes, Mark "The Wearing Out his Welcome of the" Greene adds, for Luka's benefit, that Mr. Martin fell asleep under a tanning lamp. Mr. Martin shirtily corrects him, "I wasn't tanning, I was depressed due to lack of sunlight." Passing him, Randi snorts, "Tell me about it. I just got back from lunch and it's already getting dark." I actually enjoy that, because it makes me feel all cozy and cloistered in the house during the winter -- but then, I like winter, generally, because I'm a lazy indoor person. Randi asks whether the groundhog saw its shadow this year, and John "Smirk Giggler" Carter drawls, "Seeing his shadow has absolutely nothing to do with how much sunlight we get." Randi duhs, "Yes, it does -- six more weeks of winter!" Mark hands off his charts to Luka, but since they're patients we barely see again, I won't bother recounting the details here. Mark, donning his coat, tells Carter that Weaver's on at six, adding, "Could you tell her that I'm finished testing tonight, so she can stop avoiding me?" Randi asks, "How'd your personality test go?" Mark tells her that his results were so low as not to be quantifiable by existing scientific methods. Or, he should have. Luka says he thought they were memory tests; Mark tells him that was Monday. Carter asks what's next: "Rorschach? Spelling bee?" Mark "cracks," "Swimwear competition, sudden-death Twister...who knows? Maybe a chili cook-off." Because verifying a medical professional's ability to treat patients competently is a joke, you know, to be taken lightly, and all that's really at stake here is Mark's ego and self-esteem. Not. He leaves. Sadly, he will be back later in the episode.

In a curtain area, some chick we've never seen before is holding up a cloth doll in front of a kid and saying, "The needle goes in, but you can squeeze on the owie ball." Carter enters and asks Malik what's going on; Malik says the kid freaked out when Malik tried to put in an IV. Carter asks who the chick is, and Malik says she's a new intern from Pedes. Carter steps in and introduces himself to the kid, Jason. Long story short -- since, as I said, regular non-trauma patients are so not the focus of this episode -- Jason's mom works as a cleaning lady at a church. She found a bottle labeled "holy water" and thought it would help cure Jason's diarrhea, only when she gave it to him to drink, it turned out it was actually lamp oil. D'oh! Okay, between this and the Bishop Cromwell storyline, I have to ask: is this show now a co-production of Warner Bros. and the United States Catholic Conference? Anyway.

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