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Episode Report Card
Sars: D | 301 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
The Fastest Year

Gamma enters the kitchen to find "Trapper" John Carter asleep at the table with a product-placed can of Coke beside him. She wakes him, looking mildly concerned; Carter asks what time it is, and Gamma says it's quarter after seven and suggests some breakfast, and Carter stretches and mumbles, "Maybe just some toast." Gamma asks if he got any sleep at all. Carter sighs and says he stopped trying at around two and came downstairs to watch infomercials instead, and he tells Gamma he ordered her one of those machines "so [she] can make her own beef jerky." "You didn't," she says, hefting a pitcher of orange juice, and he admits that no, he didn't, and adds that he ended up in the kitchen. Carter comes over to the butcher-block island with a loaf of bread and selects a knife to slice it with, and as Gamma observes in the background that he can't seem to sleep in any room but the kitchen and perhaps they should "put a bed in here," Carter fondles the gleaming knife and has an audio flashback to calling for help after Paul Sobriki stabbed him. Dear producers: We all saw Carter get skewered by Sobriki. We know what the freakin' knife means. Step away from the overdub button and keep your hands where we can see them. Love, the world. Gamma studies Carter's face and says, "John?" He snaps out of it. Gamma wishes he'd talk to someone about his insomnia. "I'll be fine," he says, mechanically cutting into the loaf of bread and offering Gamma a slice. The editor turns up the sound mix on the knife as it saws ominously away at the sourdough, and we go to credits.

Jackie "I've Got Your 'Corner' Right Here" Benton's house. Jackie, Peter "Rabbit" Benton with Reese in his lap, and Cleo "MS Resident For Windows" Finch sit at an outdoor table as Jackie's kids pester Cleo to play basketball with them, which she says she'll do as soon as she finishes downloading her lunch. Peter tells the kids to run along, and Jackie says she would ask Cleo to excuse her children, but there's just no excuse for them. Heh. More Jackie, please. Cleo says she grew up with three brothers so it doesn't bother her. Jackie asks Peter to go deal with her kids and then, in spite of Peter's explicit instruction not to ask Cleo "a million questions," launches into the third degree -- "Peter tells me you're from Indianapolis" blah blah blah does Cleo still have family there blah blah blah what do your brothers do blah blah blah what does your father do blah blah blah fishing-for-information-cakes. Cleo tells Jackie that her brothers went into the family business with her father, who's in insurance, but Cleo chose not to because working with families can get "a little stifling," and then Cleo adds hastily, "Not all families, of course," and Jackie gives her a my-evil-plan-is-working smile and says, "Have another waffle." Um. Okay.

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