ER
The Student

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Heathen: C | Grade It Now!
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The Student

Flasher wants to leave, but Luka says he has to speak with the police first. "About my mugging?" he asks, worried. "...Yeah," Luka says unconvincingly. What is wrong with people on this show today? Have they all forgotten how to tell a convincing lie? It's not that hard. Watch: "I have to say, even though Jewel has fucked-up teeth, I really respect her as an artist and a poet." See? I did it! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some bile to swallow. Flasher looks agitated.

Susan charges out of Pervy's room like a mad cow. "I'm going to kill you," she snarls at Chuck. He tries to defend himself, but she steamrolls him with a diatribe about how stupid and worthless men are. Shut UP, Susan. I can't wait until the Chuckus pops out male. Behind them, Flasher tip-toes out of the hospital past a gaggle of Frederika's classmates, one of whom notices him with horror. Chuck's tail is firmly between his legs as he trots after Susan and meekly suggests that perhaps degenerates come in all genital shapes. "The sad part is, they always get away with it," Susan sighs. Cue the schoolgirls: They pounce on the fleeing Flasher and smack him with their tennis rackets. And suddenly we're in the middle of some insane cartoonish slapstick flick. It's like they put The Big Book Of Genres in a blender and drew pieces at random. Nicely directed by Paul McCrane, though -- his timing is great.

Carter checks out Luis's chart and notices that there's no written order for Demerol. Gallant snatches it and scribbles something onto the chart, muttering that he was too busy and putting down the order for 10:23. "Dr. Gallant, can I speak with you?" Neela says in a low voice. "You're right, it was more like 10:45," Gallant says, keeping up the cover as he hands the chart back to Carter. Now, I think Carter should've stopped him right here -- if the order didn't make it onto the chart at the time, then he should not have let Gallant add anything to the chart in hindsight, even if Gallant were telling the truth. He should have pulled them aside in a few minutes and discussed it before anyone altered the chart, making sure he believed Gallant to his own satisfaction and explained the whole false-chart-as-felony thing. Not well handled by Carter. Luis isn't breathing, and as his newly arrived family watches, Carter commands Neela to put in the tube. She shoots a sickened look into the middle distance, and we fade to black feeling pretty sorry for her, and endlessly grateful that we work in a profession where one error in a pressure situation does not end up killing someone. Although it does get awfully dicey sometimes when we're printing up reams of paper and things are crazy and there are paper cuts.

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