It had to happen, dammit. One stupid scene in the middle of the ER half of the crossover felt so random and so stand-alone that I not only skipped it in the recap, but mocked its pointlessness, built a high horse out of paper clips and old pillows, and climbed upon it so I could sneer from a nice vantage point. So what happens? The show shoots my high horse and turns it into Alpo. That's right: my stupid scene showed up in the previously-on for this Third Watch, and now I get to feel stupid. But it happens, you know, this crankiness. Sometimes I get tired. Don't be angry, baby. It's not you, it's me. And the painkillers. The painkillers made me do it, okay? Hold me.
Anyway, recently on The Show That Isn't ER, a hot firefighter with dimples smiled at the camera, and I turned into a big puddle of love sweat. His name is Jimmy, and apparently he just reunited with his son, who appears to be eight or so. Susan Lewis got a scary message from her panicked niece Suzy, and hightailed it to New York, where she found her sister Chloe drugged out and without her daughter. Susan got scared. Bosco and his partner, Faith Yokas, were on the case. And the goddamn neighborhood-watch guy rode up on his bike and started telling Bosco that he takes Polaroids of people in seedy neighborhoods doing seedy things, in the hope that the cops will arrest them. Bosco dismissed this cyclist as readily as I did. Bosco and I are kindred. Oh, God, wait, that feels so wrong. I need mouthwash.
The New York Police Department rushes into a drug den while kicky electronica-style music heralds their work. Officer Maurice "Loose Cannon With the Heart of Gold" Boscorelli (Jason Wiles, of Kicking and Screaming and guest appearances as Colin on Beverly Hills, 90210) is leading the charge. Officer Faith "Streetwise, Tough Broad With a Heart of Gold" Yokas (Molly Price, known to Sex and the City fans as Susan-Sharon) is also there. There are stylized shots of junkies huddled around fires, tying tourniquets with their teeth, being apprehended by officers in the dark and dank warehouse. It's a really weird scene that's a bit funky to watch, with jumpy cuts and confusing shots and swelling music; I feel like I'm both drunk and hanging upside down from my bed. Which I guess I might be, as far as any of you know. Two by two, the crackheads load into the police van. I'm sure Noah would be very proud of the way the NYPD has adapted his ark concept to suit the dregs of society. The music slowly fades out as Bosco, looking grim, wipes the dirt off his hands and hops back into his patrol car. Yokas watches him appraisingly. "You all right over there?" she asks in that tough-mom fashion she pulls off so well. "Not yet," Bosco shakes his head, revving the engine. As the music kicks in again, the patrol car speeds away from the crack hole.